Our cheeky columnist provides some dos and don’ts of lesbian dating
BY THE CHEEKY CHARMER, IMAGE BY STEH NOBRE VIA PEXELS
Ok so you followed my advice from last week, mustered the swagger and asked your crush out. Well done! Have 200 Cheeky Charmer points*, you’ve earned it.
*These aren’t actually a thing, don’t get excited. They’re not like a Greggs card, you’re not gonna get a free sausage roll the next time you ask someone out.
Hopefully by now you’ve locked your lady down for a date.
Having had my fair share of first dates, here’s a few dos and don’ts to help you on your way…
- Don’t get ahead of yourself. AKA don’t imagine your wedding and name your first born. I know what you lesbians are like (being one myself). We get that first flush of excitement, “she fancies me” and those nesting hormones kick in. Maybe it’s because it’s hard finding queer women to date? Lesbians are not like buses. Unless you’re living in The L Word, there might not be another along in five minutes. So, when we do meet someone, we get excited that this might be “the one”. Cool it a bit, they might not.
- Feel them out. I said “out”, not “up” 🙄. First dates are more reconnaissance mission than movie scene. Don’t do a Cheeky Charmer, get lost in the romance and take your eye off the ball (or girl – although the Cheeky Charmer has never taken their eye off a girl😉). Sure, enjoy yourself but some part of your brain needs to be thinking:
- Are we compatible?
- Are there any obvious red flags?
- Do they make me want to eat my own eyeballs?
- Remember a first date is an interview but don’t treat it like one. Essentially, you’re interviewing them for the role of “significant other”, but don’t make them feel like they’ll be getting their P45 any minute. Keep it fun and let it flow. I once went on a date with a high-powered businesswoman and the first thing she said was: “where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time”, followed by, “how much do you earn?” It felt like a grilling and that I should have brought my CV (and lied about my pay check🙄).
- Don’t get sucked into an obligatory snog if you’re not feeling it. You don’t have to kiss someone if you don’t want to. Which might sound obvious but, if you’re anything like me you can find yourself performing a guilt snog. It happens like this … I spend most of the date knowing I don’t fancy them but, when it’s time to leave, if they go in for more than a peck, I’m three sets into a game of tonsil tennis. Sure, a kiss is always nice, but it confuses the hell out of people if you never see them again. Keep your tongue firmly in your own mouth please.
- DO kiss them if you like them and are getting equally kissy vibes back. Not sure if they want you to kiss them? Listen with your body. Tune in. If there’s a lot of eye flirting, followed by a palpable magnetic pull then it might be time to lean in and go for a smooch. Remember, consent is sexy. And keep it light until you judge the vibe. If they come in all soft and gentle, you don’t want to be giving them a tongue sandwich 😬).
- Don’t ask them on a second date while you’re still on the first UNLESS YOU ARE 200% SURE THEY ARE INTO YOU. It’s awkward and puts them on the spot. If they don’t want to see you again, they’ll either tell you flat out they just don’t fancy you or panic, say yes and cancel later. Leave it to a post date text. That way you can both hide any potential embarrassment behind your phones.
Above all, relax and enjoy it. Dates are meant to be fun. There’s nothing more delightful than spending time in the company of a woman you like regardless of whether you carry on dating, get married or never see each other again.
DIVA magazine celebrates 28 years in print in 2022. If you like what we do, then get behind
LGBTQI media and keep us going for another generation. Your support is invaluable.