Not a fan of strap-on sex, but dating someone who loves it? Here’s what you could do
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE BY DRT.FM VIA PEXELS
As much as you might have in common with your partner, it’s normal to be in a relationship where you enjoy different things in bed. While it can be thrilling to explore things together, it can also lead to challenges.
While many believe that all lesbians and sapphics enjoy strap-on sex, this isn’t true. We aren’t a monolith. So, if you’re someone who doesn’t enjoy strap-on sex at all, rest assured you’re not alone.
But what are you supposed to do if the person you love and/or love sleeping with loves strap-on sex? Here are my top tips…
Begin with having the talk
Open up the conversation outside of the bed. Talk to your partner and let them know how you’re feeling. You don’t have to have a perfect explanation. A simple “strapping isn’t my thing, and I know you love it, so I thought we’d talk about this” is a good start!
Ask your partner what they like with strapping, and let them know what you don’t like. The goal should be to understand each other better, as well as to not keep doing anything you’re not into.
Find new ways of having sex — without compromising your boundaries
When you know what elements your partner likes with strapping, and they understand what you’re not digging, it’ll be easier to find alternatives to strap-on sex.
For example, your partner could wear a strap-on and penetrate a sex toy you’re holding instead. Or you could discover dry-humping or different kinds of roleplaying. You might even experiment with strapping in a new way, such as by setting up clear boundaries and rules.
I encourage you to be playful and think beyond what you’ve been doing so far. You’ll hopefully find something halfway that feels great for both of you.
Remember to never do something just to please your partner — it must always feel good for you too!
Follow up after the sessions
If you’ve tried new ways of exploring the elements of strapping, always talk about the experience after the sex.
What felt good? What didn’t? What would you like to do differently, or keep on doing the same, next time? Your preferences can change over time, so keeping an open dialogue about what works for you is one of the best things you can do.
The most important thing is that both should feel safe, respected and listened to, and if you have that, you’ll find lovely ways of being intimate.
Sofie Roos is a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist as well as author at the Swedish sex and relationship magazine Passionerad
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