“As a sexologist, I, if anyone, should know how to do it. Right?”
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE VIA CANVA
I’ve tried to squirt my whole life. I’ve read about it. I’ve studied it, talked about it, given other people with vulvas advice on how to do it. I’ve met tons of people who love it. But you know what?
… I’ve never done it myself.
For a long time, I struggled to accept this. As a sexologist, I, if anyone, should know how to do it. Right? Because here I am telling others about what they should do to explore this sexy, mysterious and desirable climax, while I myself have never experienced it.
I’ve tried all the ways. I’ve attempted it while fully relaxed and while with a partner that knows exactly what they’re doing. I’ve used the go-to toys and let go of all expectations. No matter what I’ve done, it has never worked.
You might recognise yourself in this situation and know the thoughts all too well. “Maybe if I just relax more”, “maybe if I buy this sex toy or push even more, it’ll work next time”, all this and it never happens.
The more I tried, the more it felt like a goal just to be tickled. I lost the joy and pleasure along the way. Not only when it came to squirting, but also to sex itself. I slowly felt how my relationship to intimacy turned anxious and pressured until my wife realised and told me that we have tried now, and there’s no shame in not being able to squirt. It’s not an essential part of sapphic sex (or any sex!).
And you know what? After years of frustration and even shame, my wife made me realise that it’s okay not to be able to squirt. It doesn’t mean you’re missing out on something, or that your sex life is less pleasurable than anybody else’s. She’s right.
It’s amazing if you can squirt, but you’re also amazing if your body simply doesn’t work that way. Make peace with the fact that it’s not for you, and I promise you’ll feel more free!
Sofie Roos is a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist as well as author at the Swedish sex and relationship magazine Passionerad
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