“You’ve ‘lesbian bonded’. And six months down the line you realise, what you thought was going to be a one night stand has now turned into a relationship”
BY THE CHEEKY CHARMER, IMAGE BY KAROLINE GRABOWSKA VIA PEXELS
Right, I’m talking to all the peeps out there who have ever had sex on a first date.
Let’s have a show of hands please.
There’s definitely more than that.
That’s more like it.
And yes, I’m talking to you lurking at the back, acting all coy and innocent. I see you. Hands up please.
Yes, yes, yes, I know I’m the worst person to be lecturing anyone on not sleeping together on a first date. I have very bad form in that area (or very good form, depending on how you look at it🙄). Look, I’ve got both hands (and legs) up. I’m practically levitating!
Seriously though, sex on a first date, it doesn’t matter who you talk to, it seems like most queer women have done it. And by done it, I mean “done it” (I’ll stop now). You know how it is, you meet someone, there’s a spark, a little je nes sais quoi, the blood starts a pumping, the jungle drums are banging, you’re probably slightly pissed … and it happens. One minute you were on the entrées at an all you can eat Mexican buffet, the next, you’re on the main course of an entirely different kind of all you can eat…
Aaaaaaand then you’ve done it. You’ve chemically bonded. All those endorphins and pheromones have sent a lethal dose of sex chemicals around your nervous system and you are absolutely done for. There’s no going back from this. You’ve “lesbian bonded”. And six months down the line you realise, what you thought was going to be a one night stand has now turned into a relationship.
Which is great. If its happy and healthy and what both of you wanted. What happens, all too often, is we have sex, fall hard, only to wake up from the Matrix and realise we are not remotely compatible with this person.
I’ve done it many, many times. And I’ll likely do it many more, which is why I’m the worst person to be writing this. My track record is: sleep with them on the first date, unless I’ve slept with the them before the first date.
The longest I’ve gone is three dates and that’s only because I put an emergency cinema date in to head the inevitable date two sex off at the pass (I was trying to be good😇).
Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t sleep with everyone I meet. 90% of the time I don’t. But, when I meet that hallowed 10%, a woman who I think “ooooh, wife potential!” I’m straight in there.
And it never, ever works.
So, why do we do it?
I wonder if it has something to do with us having such a small pond to fish in. It’s hard finding queer women to date, let alone ones you fancy, connect and have chemistry with, and who feel the same about you. So, when we find that legendary woman we jump straight in.
“It’s hard finding queer women to date, let alone ones you fancy, connect and have chemistry with”
But we miss vital stages of getting to know someone. Sussing out if we’re long-term compatible.
Plus, there’s the risks of jumping into bed with someone you don’t know. You don’t get a chance to have that oh so necessary “sexual health convo”. Which, if you’re like me, can spin you into anxiety that has you convincing yourself you’ve got something very wrong with your downstairs area, only to be checked out by your doc and told “that’s just your vagina”. I’m not sure what that says about my vagina…
Enough about my vagina.
We bond so hard the inevitable break up is so much worse. So, let’s practise a little more restraint, shall we? And by we, I mean you. This is definitely a “do as I say” piece rather than a “do as I do”…
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