The Cheeky Charmer reflects on their past relationship and offers some advice for anyone wanting to make a LDR work for them
BY THE CHEEKY CHARMER, IMAGE BY SARAH CHAI VIA PEXELS
You know how it is… you meet the woman of your dreams. She’s beautiful, intelligent and digs your penchant for overly loud shirts. You have deep conversations, incredible sex and “feel all the feels”. In short, she ticks all the boxes on your gf “wish list”.
The only problem? She’s miles away. I know, I know: QUEER WOMEN PROBLEMS! We can’t find a girlfriend and, when we do, she’s in Manchester. Or, in the Cheeky Charmer’s case: Scandinavia. Yes folks, even with long distance lovin’ the CC couldn’t do it by halves (I mean there’s long distance and there’s loooooong distance). However, four years of cross continental dating has given me a few thoughts on how to make long distance go the distance (see what I did there?):
- Now, this will be hard to believe, given my sex god status 😏🙄 but I was the needy one. While I wanted to build a little world with my girl, complete with white picket fences, my gf was happy living apart. Which may have had something to do with my gym socks. Which is understandable. I’d move continents to get away from the smell…
- Distance often suits one partner more than the other. Maybe one person craves freedom with a side order of relationship “security”? Be on the same page…
- The CC is great at brushing things under the rug (the metaphorical rug, not the sexy rug). I didn’t want to move there; she didn’t want to move here. So, under the rug it went. What we needed was to communicate. Have a plan for when we’d finally pack up that U-Haul and merge.
- I have a Romeo complex. Which is no surprise. So, when our eyes met across the tombola (we were at a lesbian meet up, the tombola wasn’t out of place) I went full “star crossed lover”. Which made the 2000-mile distance doable. She was my “soul mate”. How would I find someone so perfect? My “scarcity mindset” kicked in (yes, I’m quoting my therapist, no I didn’t win anything on the tombola).
- Sometimes I wonder if we chose long distance to ignore our relationship flaws. As beautiful as our relationship was, we weren’t ultimately compatible. When you’re not dealing with each other day to day it’s easy to overlook problems or blame them on the distance.
- Cue Meatloaf warbling “And I would do anything for love” (Important note: the lyric ends with “but I won’t do that”). It’s easy to feel the romantic hero, traversing seas and the M25 to be with your love. It wears thin. As does your bank account. There’s nothing romantic about sitting alone in a bedsit, eating a pot noodle in your pants while staring at your ever dwindling bank balance. But enough about me…
- If the CC moved continents, I’d have given up many things that made me “me” (no, not the debonair charm and devastating good looks – those are a given) but career, family, friends, and Heinz Baked Beans. Whilst it might feel like a grand romantic gesture, it can ultimately end in resentment. what can you comfortably “sacrifice” to be together?
- Lack of sexy time – lack of physical contact for months on end made my libido plummet. When we were together, it’s like I was unpacking it from a metaphorical rucksack where it lay covered in all sorts of crap that needed dusting off before we could get it on. And I don’t know about you, but I definitely don’t want a dusty libido.
Bottom line: Long distance absolutely can work. But have a plan and stick to it. Don’t be left alone with a pot noodle. They’re not great conversationalists…
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