“The most important thing is to have a strong support network as you come out”
BY ELA ERTAN, IMAGE BY DANIEL JAMES
In celebration of National Coming Out Day, I recently asked five LGBTQI University students about their coming-out stories.
Here is what they shared:
“People kept thinking it’s just a phase”
E.M, 20, She/Her
“I’ve always known that I liked women, but it wasn’t until I was about 14 that I realised that I was a full-on lesbian. I hadn’t really spoken to anyone about it, so I was nervous when I came out to my friends at school. They took it so well.
When I was about 16, I came out to my mum, and she still asks me about boys. I don’t think she’s uncomfortable about it, she just doesn’t understand how a woman can’t like men.
It’s been a bumpy ride, mostly because people kept thinking it’s just a phase and that I will eventually meet a man.”
“The initial sense of fear has now gone”
Ben, 21, He/Him
“I didn’t come out to anyone and say the words, ‘I’m gay’ until I was 18. It was during a night out with one of my school friends, during which she came out to me as bisexual first, which gave me both the opportunity and comfort to share my identity with another person. It gave me the confidence to start living my life authentically and start exploring my queer identity.
It still took me a long until I was fully out to my wider family and social circle, a process which I’m still going through, but the initial sense of fear has now gone.”
“The biggest hindrance for me was probably internalised homophobia”
Toni, 21, She/They
“In 2015, I came out as Bi. I was out to several of my closest friends but didn’t fully come out to everyone until I graduated in 2018. Then around 2019 when I came to uni, I had my first proper kiss and dates with girls.
Eventually, I realised I was gay. I don’t know if you’ve heard about The Lesbian Masterdoc, but I read that and that was like the last thing that pushed me over and I was like, ‘Okay, I’m a lesbian’. Overall, my coming out experience has been quite positive. And the biggest hindrance for me was probably internalised homophobia.”
“The idea that I myself could be gay, just completely terrified me”
Karina, 21, They/She
“I remember being very clear in the fact that if anyone else was gay, that was completely fine. No problem at all. The idea that I could be gay, just completely terrified me.
I had crushes on girls, but I didn’t realise they were crushes, I thought I was just in awe and wanted to be like the girls. And only when my sister realised that they are bi is when I allowed myself to think about it more as well. At some point it just clicked. Since then, I’ve been a baby gay and getting used to it. I’m out to most of my family and they’re all chill about it.
Realising I am non-binary or getting more used to the idea that I might be non-binary was around April 2021, I allowed myself to think about pronouns and realise that I really appreciate people using they/them pronouns, it feels very liberating.”
“The most important thing is to have a strong support network as you come out”
Betsy, 21, She/Her
“I came out to myself in my first year of uni when I was living with a load of queers who were all very comfortable in their queerness and talked about it openly.
I grew up in the church, and within a local community with a much older demographic. I think my experiences with a slightly later coming out stem from minimal exposure to gay culture, media and conversation.
I came out to my parents and some family when I met my beautiful now-girlfriend. Most of my family have been supportive and validating. I think the most important thing is to have a strong support network as you come out, and beyond, as coming out can happen more than once, and in several different ways over time.”
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