Vintage words of wisdom from the OG cast members
BY ROXY BOURDILLON
Bette
“There’s a lot more to a relationship than sex.”
“Here is a truly radical idea for you to contemplate. Monogamy isn’t just hypothetical. Some people actually do practice it.”
“All great art is a response to small minded corporate fiats, trying to impose their ignorance on the sheep-like masses.”
“I understand, Brad. You find gay sex repulsive and you don’t care about your son’s personal happiness as much as you do your own comfort level, right?”
“We are going to deploy a mission to ascertain the disposition and intent of one Miss Lara Perkins.”
“Some lesbians; you have to break up with them more than once.”
“For me when I really search myself it doesn’t feel like an affair. For me, feels like I’m coming home.”
“Can I get a sippy cup? Does anybody have a sippy cup? Jesus!”
Shane
“I don’t do relationships.”
“What the fuck is so great about feeling?”
“My entire life, people have said that I would become a psychopath if I didn’t learn how to feel. But I wanna know, Cherie, what the fuck is so great about feeling? Because I finally let myself. And I feel like my heart’s been completely ripped out.”
“You know, I’ve been thinking about it. What’s more boring, right? You can make endless lists. You can bawl your head off, and puke over the side of the boat. Or you get to go home. You get to sleep with the same person you’ve been in love with for seven years.”
“Love’s a bitch. I’d rather have a good time and move on.”
“You know what really starts to piss me off after a while? Is when couples always say the word ‘we.’ I hate it. ‘We think’, ‘we may’, ‘we might’. But ‘we feel,’ that’s the big one. Feeling is a solitary emotion.”
“If I were to walk away from this I think she’d go off the deep end. So it is a choice between my happiness or hers. That’s how I see it.”
“Sexuality is fluid. Whether you’re gay, or you’re straight or you’re bisexual – you just go with the flow.”
Alice
“Lesbians think friendships is another word for foreplay.”
“That’s what I call a hundred footer… Is it her hair? Is it her jog bra? Is it her candles? I don’t know! I can tell she’s a lez from across a football field.”
“That’s typical of a guy. Sees two women thinks he’s so needed.”
“Trimming is essential. Y’know? You just do it a few days before you get laid. Assuming you ever do.”
“Lesbians love to eat their own.”
“Anytime you get a group of gay girls together, you are guaranteed someone slept with someone else. Who has slept with someone else, who slept with someone else, and on and on. Name any lesbian you know. I can link her to me in, like, six moves.”
“We’re all connected! See? Through love, through loneliness, through one tiny, lamentable lapse in judgement.”
“Women drive me crazy.”
This article originally appeared in the December 2019 issue of DIVA – grab your digital copy right here!
