Your cat knows you love it, but do you respect it?

BY LEILA NAVABI, IMAGE BY COLLECTIVE14 IMAGERY

Now, we all know the basic elements you need to employ if you don’t want your cat to run away and fall in love with your neighbour. Feed it, play with it, stroke it, clean up its poo, you know, the bread and butter of feline companionship. 

In Love Cat GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

But if you want your cat to actively favour you in any scenario, there are a few things you can do to really make the relationship pop. I, Leila Navabi, a lesbian and cohabiter of two cats, have some tips for you to ensure you’re making the most of your moggy. 

Respect

Your cat knows you love it, but do you respect it? Your cat can sense when you don’t give the ground it treads enough credence to clean it bi-daily, and this can result in behaviour such as scratching the carpet to make a point. That’s what that means. You’re welcome. Ensure you don’t rely on the services of a vacuum cleaner as those are much too loud and frightening, You want to respect your cat, not terrorise it you sick individual. 

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Acceptance

Accept your cat for who it is. It’s not going to be a dog. Stop expecting it to bring back your items when you throw them at it. They’re not bringing them back, unless the items are dead rodents. Similarly, don’t brush your cat. It was born with that fur, why are you meddling with it? Stop it. No cat wants to be meddled with. Also, do not adorn your cat. It does not want to wear jewellery and that is what that collar is. It knows its name. You don’t need to go to Timpsons to get in engraved on a little circle of metal to attach to its neck. It can’t read!

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Trust

High Five Cat GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Why are you putting leftovers in the fridge? Leave it on the side. Go one. Exercise some trust. When your cat knows you trust it, it will not exhibit vindictive behaviours anymore, like for example, hacking into its owner’s laptop to write listicles on their behalf. Leila is a great owner and that is why she wrote this. I mean, that is why I wrote this. Me, Leila and not my cats. Also you should see my Edinburgh Fringe show in August because I will be away from the house and the cats will be staying with their grandparents who they actually prefer because they do all of the above things without complaining. 

Anyway, that’s the end! That’s everything I wanted to say! As a human being and not, again, as a cat.

Leila Navabi: Composition runs at Pleasance Courtyard – The Attic at 09.45pm at the Edinburgh Fringe from 2nd August to 27th August (except 11th August) Tickets available from https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/leila-navabi-composition

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