The Cheeky Charmer books the world’s smallest Air BnB and trusts their love life to the fates (aka their friend’s wife)


Friday: I’m in the world’s smallest Air BnB. It’s also an exaggeration. I’m sure there are tinier places. If you’re a hobbit… But I’m in what was described as a “unit”, which was the first warning. Essentially, I’m in a studio where the bed is in the kitchen and the kitchen is in the bathroom. And there’s no window.

I’m in Brighton for a friend’s birthday tonight. 

Right now, I’m sat in my unit, writing in my pants (as in I’m wearing them, not writing a novel along the crotch). My friend’s wife has been trying to hook me up with Jade for the last few months. And tonight, we’re finally going to meet. 

I have a fizzy feeling in my stomach (no, it’s not mini cheddars, see column 4). It’s excitement, anticipation, the promise of something. And I’m trying not to project and get carried away into a lesbian la la land of happily ever afters, but I am the world’s biggest romantic.

I’ve felt drawn to this moment, this night, this woman who I’ve never met (said no lesbian ever). I feel like maybe, just maybe, there might be magic at work. Or perhaps a little witchcraft… because I fire up Tinder and of all the profiles in all of Brighton, Jade’s pops up.*

*Bonus points if you got the Casablanca reference.

And she’s lovely. Really lovely. Not just physically but there’s a warm feeling I get from her. And I have hope, for the first time, in a long time, that perhaps I’m about to meet someone special.   

“Wooooooah cheeky charmer!” I hear you say, “Remember how you got all freaked out over the Saskia thing? How she wanted to lock it down within two dates? Getting some distinct pot, kettle, black flavours here.”

And you’re right. I need to calm it down.

But I do believe in Christmas magic and there’s a delightful Hallmark movie playing in my head right now.

Maybe Santa got my letter (see column 6) and is making good for me this year? Maybe my friend’s wife really is a witch and the fates are pulling at those invisible red cords of destiny?

Or maybe I’m just a massive lesbian? Yeah, that…

Saturday: I’m writing in a café** and have the smuggest Cheeky Charmer grin on my face. It’s the kind of grin that says, “I made out with a hot woman last night.” (😉 😜 😈 – the whole shebang).

It’s nice to know the Cheeky Charmer’s still got it.

**Just to clarify, I’m wearing more than my pants this time.

Meeting Jade IRL – she’s not quite my usual type. She’s gorgeous and femme but with a more masc. energy. I’m reminded of how we can project personality and backstory onto a few photographs. We kind of “Dr. Frankenstein” our dating life, creating the person we want rather than the person who’s in front of us.

And the person who’s in front of me is aces. We have a brilliant night. It’s easy to be myself with her, so maybe sticking to “type” isn’t the way to go. She’s not high maintenance or neurotic, which is a welcome change for the Cheeky Charmer.

We laugh (lots), we dance (lots), we kiss (lots). At the end of the night, we go our separate ways and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed to wake up alone this morning.

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