Dating isn’t easy, but we’re here to try and make it that little bit easier for you
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE BY NICOLAS MENIJES VIA CANVA
Are you anxious about an upcoming date? Do you struggle to think of good conversation starters when meeting someone for the first time? Then I really recommend that you ask some, if not all, of these questions.
To kick things off, let’s start with some general open-ended questions. These are great if you want to be able to ask follow up questions and spark an evolving conversation.
“What are your intentions with dating?”
This is a question that should always be asked early on. If you’re not looking for the same thing, then you’re wasting time, as well as putting your heart at unnecessarily high risk.
You don’t have to overwhelm them with big questions like: “Do you want kids?” and “What are your career goals?” You can simply ask if they’re out to date casually or are looking to find something serious. But you can still bring up the other questions later.
“Who are you as a person?”
If you’re on a date with someone, you most likely want to get to know them better, so what’s more appropriate than asking who they are as a person?
The good thing is that it’s a very open question, and there are lots of ways both to answer and to ask follow-ups, so they can choose how much they want to open up with, and you can keep asking questions to take it in the direction you want to.
“What’s important in your life?”
To generally ask what your date values in their life is a great and discreet way of checking if you seem to be prioritising the same things, and have a shared outlook on life, which can tell something about your compatibility.
“What made you wanna have this date with me?”
Yes, it’s okay to put some focus on you, so ask why they wanted to have this date — that’s always great to hear, and a natural way to get some compliments and gain some self-confidence!
“Tell me something you’re proud of”
After you’ve shined some light on yourself, it’s always nice to shine it back on your date, so ask what they’re proud of, which not only is a nice conversation but also lets you know some more about how they view life.
Now moving on to some identity-based questions…
Here are some relevant and beautiful first date questions about queerness that you can ask if it feels natural and is something you’d like to bring up. However, it’s not a must — sometimes it feels just as good to focus on the meeting between the two of you without talking about sexuality, and that’s also okay!
“When did you first feel safe and belonging in a queer context, and what made you feel that?
This can open up for a lovely conversation around sexuality and queerness.
“Is there any fun misunderstanding that often comes up when people get that you’re sapphic?”
I love this question as it opens up for a relaxed and happy chat about funny experiences that stick with you, a convo that also makes you bond around your queerness in an easy and laid-back way.
“What’s some non-sexual intimacy that you value?”
This is a very deep and vulnerable question, but sometimes it feels right to ask already on your first date, and it can teach you a lot about your date as well as make you reflect on your own love language and what form of intimacy makes you feel loved and seen.
About the author: Sofie Roos is a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, as well as author at the Swedish sex and relationship magazine Passionerad
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