We learn more about intimacy can be affirming
BY SEXTOYS.CO.UK, IMAGE PROVIDED
Society and the media often misrepresent bisexuality by labelling being bi as a phase. Bi men are misidentified as gay, while bi women are assumed to be straight, even more so if they’re in a straight-passing relationship. Bisexual people experience erasure on a daily basis and can feel invisible in both queer and straight spaces. This is amplified tenfold if they’re in different-gender, monogamous relationships. As a bi man, being constantly told “you’re really just gay” or “you’ll grow out of it” is incredibly harmful. Bisexual visibility matters because your identity doesn’t always equal your partner choice.
During Pride, we’ll often see the damaging rhetoric of telling bi women to leave their boyfriends at home. Similarly, if a bi man shows up to events with a woman-identifying partner, they’re often assumed to be straight. Both of these groups might be excluded from queer spaces or deemed “not queer enough,” which can have a harmful impact on self-esteem, isolating individuals from any sort of community support.
For bi people, exploration via sex toys and pleasure products can be a way to experience validation that we may not get in other spaces. They can act as a tool to take a deep dive into desires, especially for late-in-life bloomers who are exploring their sexuality whilst in long-term relationships with the opposite gender. Trying anal toys, exploring pegging, and experimenting with double-ended dildos can all be ways to explore your bi identity and boundaries. Role reversal and changing penetrative dynamics can be incredibly empowering. Communicating a desire for validation with your partner and ensuring they’re open to letting you understand your desires more fully can all be ways to affirm your sexuality. Beyond using toys, simply having these conversations with your partner can bring you closer.
Spokesperson for Sextoys.co.uk, Mark Cusack (@notdefining), Sexuality and Gender Specialist, said: “Discovering what feels pleasurable to you is a fundamental step in the journey towards embracing your sexuality. Using toys can open so many doors, especially for those who want to explore things that lie outside the hetero norm. For bi people, they can allow us to broaden the range of sensations and roles we can enjoy, whatever the gender of our partner/s”.
Exploring intimate desires is a form of resistance that can help you feel more comfortable in reclaiming your queerness. Exploring these realms within bisexual relationships is a way to celebrate, even if others might not see it as such. Erasure doesn’t just question our identity. It harms our mental health and makes us feel more isolated in a space where we’re supposed to lift each other up, which is vital as marginalised voices are repressed more than ever in today’s political climate. This Bisexual Visibility Day, we have an opportunity to move past stereotypes that make people feel left out of the queer conversation, and to recognise the truth of bisexual identity in its many forms.
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