DIVA unpacks why this subtle greeting has been so impactful for our community
BY CALYPSO LLOYD-DAVIES, IMAGE BY TONL IMAGERY
Lesbian pride, love, and acceptance happen every day, and in ways you might not expect. Now, and throughout queer history, there have been subtle signals amongst sapphics to show each other “I’m here too”, signals that have quietly brought the community together.
When lesbians pass other lesbians, there is often a subtle smile or even a mere glance exchanged. No words, nothing more, just this small act of recognition. Sometimes this exchange occurs between two lesbian couples, acknowledging each other’s love and existence, or it may simply be two members of the community passing and recognising each other.
This act is something so small, but it speaks volumes! It brings a feeling that you are not alone, that you have acceptance from your community, a community that walks the same streets as you. It is truly an act of immense queer pride. Often, it is these everyday acts of acceptance that mean the most and bond a community together.
That subtle smile cements that we are here, we are queer, and we have each other.
Throughout LGBTQIA+ history, this secret signalling has existed within the community. One signal in particular was… The Lesbian Nod.
The Lesbian Nod still exists today, but fascinatingly was used in the past as a way for lesbians to signal to one another that they were queer. To be clear, the nod is not an up-and-down movement of the head, but rather a subtle lift of the chin while maintaining eye contact.
In response to the nod, straight women are often said to give a certain verbal greeting or do nothing at all. Whereas other lesbians would either return the same nod or smile, maintaining the subtlety.
Even back in the 1960s, the nod appeared to exist. For example, in the 1965 book Twilight Women Around The World by R. Leighton Hasselrodt, a book that explores lesbianism, the nod is discussed as a signal. Hasselrodt wrote that: “a friendly nod between two tweedy English women in a tea-room may well be a signal that arranges a ‘courtesy exchange’.” An exchange that happened in crowded rooms, with strangers, with no words said.
Interestingly, it is theorised that the nod began with butch lesbians, who were working with men, more than femme women did. Men used to greet each other with a nod, and still do so today. So, it is possible that this behaviour was learnt and altered by butch women to bring to the lesbian community. It became a way lesbians found each other and acknowledged each other’s existence.
A lesbian’s existence was so often left unacknowledged throughout history, and that is exactly why these signals had to be so secretive and subtle. But from this unbroken bond, one maintained between lesbians even under their oppression, a community was formed. A community that continues to find and accept one another every day, even without words.
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