An ambassador from Just Like Us talks about the importance of support this festive season
BY TEDDY RAMPLIN, IMAGE BY DIVERSIFYLENS Ā
Christmas. A time for food and family, gifts and gags, and subduing yourself into a food coma with turkey and stuffing. But itās also a time for reflection. Reflection on the year just passed, on who you were, what you did, with whom you did it. And, for a trans person, it can often be a reflection on how authentically you managed to live your life.
Everyone is at different stages in their transition. Some people feel finished, whatever that looks like for them, and are happy with the result; others are still working on finding the right name or label for their identity. Regardless of where you are on that journey, there will always be times when itās difficult to cope.
For me, and many other trans people, Christmas is one of those times. Presents are under the tree, but alongside them are parcels of gender dysphoria. While my mum always genders me correctly and uses the right name when speaking to complete strangers, I find myself being referred to as female when sheās talking to distant relatives, like my identity as a trans person is something I shouldnāt wear on my sleeve around my own family during the festive season.
My mum is a huge part of my life and I love her. She is the reason I feel so comfortable being unapologetically myself. This isnāt written to villainise her, but it does highlight the double standard that exists not only in my family, but in many others as well. The idea that, as a trans person, I should hide myself away for the holidays, because itās just too much hassle for everyone around me.
Iāve only been out for three years. At 19, Iāve transitioned socially ā changed my name, started dressing the way I feel most comfortable ā but Iām waiting to begin my medical transition until Iām 21. Even this is a compromise. Itās not my wish, but one to try and keep the peace, and it gives me an extra two years to try and prove to my family that my identity is definitely not a phase. But that doesnāt mean it doesnāt hurt.
Christmas is the time of year when I suffer most. Constantly being misgendered and deadnamed, having distant (and often disliked) family comment on āwhat a beautiful young womanā Iām growing into, being given gifts that would be fine for a 19-year-old girl, but I am not a girl.
And itās not just me. When our families donāt affirm our identities, it can make spending time with those we donāt normally see, during holidays like Christmas, extremely hard for trans people. In fact, research from Just Like Us found that while LGBTQIA young adults were twice as likely as non-LGBTQIA young adults to say they were not close to their family (14% compared to 6%). For trans and non-binary adults, this figure jumped to a fifth (19% and 23% respectively).
I know Iām lucky. Not everyone has the luxury of spending Christmas with their family, and I do have hope that one day I might be fully accepted and affirmed, but in the meantime, itās not easy.
So, how do I cope? I take care of myself. Iām not talking about the hot baths and long, ponderous walks in the rain kind of self-care. Iām talking about the kind of self-care that only trans and gender-diverse people understand.
Bundling up in my favourite gender-affirming outfit and three blankets, so I can be both warm and comfy in my expression. Curling up with an inclusive book or film, so I can see myself represented. Reaching out to my trans friends on what I know is one of the toughest days of the year, exchanging affirmations and support, and making sure weāre all hanging in there. Planning to put any money Iāve been gifted aside, and use it to buy gender-affirming garments later on.
For those who are trans, take time to check in with your trans friends this Christmas. Call them their preferred name, use their pronouns, affirm their identity. Treat them to a non-gendered gift, or one tailored to their identity. It might not seem like much to you, but to a trans person in the depths of dysphoria, it could make their whole holiday.
Teddy is an ambassador for Just Like Us, the LGBT+ young peopleās charity. For more information, sign up to their newsletter.
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