“We are survivors, we adapt, and there are allies everywhere. I’m at a place in my life where I know when and how to stand up for myself. I can now call myself confidently gay. Proud”
BY MEL NAGEL, IMAGE BY BASEIMAGE
Mel Nagel, Talent Acquisition Business Partner & Lead at IG Group, spoke to myGwork about her incredible journey. From her experience growing up during apartheid-era South Africa and having now settled in the UK, to learning to feel confident and proud in her identity, Mel’s moving story is a testament to the power of community in difficult times.
The golden thread throughout my life, even from all the way back when my memories begin, has been my innate ability to foster and maintain relationships. Even as a kid, I was always really good at connecting with others on a personal level.
I attribute this to the emotional intelligence imparted to me by my mother – a magnificent woman, who taught me most of what’s in my heart – which allows me to relate to others, and the natural empathy cultivated in me by my father, who was always bringing home lost, abandoned and injured animals and encouraging me to build connections with each of them. I sometimes wonder how many people can say that their corporate career path was determined by a mangy goat, a noisy cockatiel, wide-eyed rabbits and countless cats and dogs! This ability has had a profound and far-reaching impact on all aspects of my life.
I grew up in the 1980s in apartheid-era South Africa, where treating different people differently was the norm. I realized at a very young age that I was “different” too, although it took me a while to figure out what that difference was. My formative days were spent in suburban Johannesburg and I was blessed with a successful school career. In school activities, I was always grouped with the boys, even though I didn’t want to be one. I was a tomboy, and that’s just what happened to tomboys at that time.
Despite a positive schooling experience and a cheerful childhood, I always felt like I was keeping a secret. In a way, I was troubled, and this brewed anxiety in me that I didn’t understand until much later in life. Uncertainty spilled out into my life in ways that were scary and dark and sometimes isolating. There were more than a few times that those feelings manifested in ways that could have changed my life for the worse, but I had very supportive parents and friends, and I am loved, and that carried me through all of it. All through my teens, I suffered silently on an emotional level. I struggled enormously with my sexuality, and like many, I kept all my suspicions, fears and worries inside. It was lonely, and in hindsight, I wish I had had more faith in my own convictions – because when I did eventually come out, it was so much less traumatic than I thought it was going to be!
It didn’t take me long to realise that I was attracted to females instead of males, but I spent a good portion of my youth trying to convince myself that this wasn’t the case. I struggled. I suffered from depression. I was lonely. But I was loved, and that, I suspect, is the reason why I dared to come out on that random day in my early twenties.
One day I woke up and I’d just had enough of all the insecurity. I gathered up all the inner strength I could muster by repeating to myself that my family loves me, my friends support me, and I know that I can stand on my own two feet. I held little gatherings with the people that mattered – dinner with my folks, a barbeque with friends – and I simply… came out. And it was okay! I was absolutely floored that everybody simply accepted me. To this day, I am so grateful for this. The absence of extreme reactions from the important people in my life gave me room to breathe, and I automatically started being happier in my personal life.
I began my career at IG as a Senior Recruitment Consultant in October 2018. I didn’t start out in the position I’m in now, but IG showed me good faith right from the get-go. They didn’t lowball me when they knew I really needed and wanted the job – they offered me what I deserved based on merit, so it was a no-brainer for me. I have come to respect that protocol at IG greatly.
My main responsibilities revolve around strategic planning for all non-tech hiring globally for IG. I lead projects related to overall recruitment processes and candidate and hiring-manager experiences, whilst ensuring that we stay aligned with optimum hiring ratios, cost-effectiveness, diversity and inclusion, and I report back to senior leadership teams with quarterly reviews and feedback on results by department. I’m considered the subject matter expert for the design and implementation of global programs for non-tech hiring and global employer brand strategy, and I’m the leader of global training for hiring managers and interviewers.
When I was promoted to team lead at IG, I actively developed my abilities and skills, training to learn how to become great at people management. I started out in an operational role at IG and in just under four years I’ve grown into this more strategic one, helping my team to become the best recruiters they can be and achieve their personal best career levels.
Having grown up in a society plagued by prejudice, my cynicism and fear mean that I can never relax entirely. I’m not blind, I see the condemnatory looks us gays still get, often over squinted eyes and pursed lips. Even when I joined the IG Group, I chose to not disclose my orientation as I was worried that it would impact how people perceived me. But it wasn’t long before I saw and experienced the IG Open network, with rainbow flags everywhere that people put on their desks to show support, and events like Cupcake Day and Pride being actively supported by everyone. Even then, I tentatively joined the network as an ally and remained as such for about a year and a half. As I became closer to my colleagues, I started meeting people who were openly out – some in senior leadership positions – and this made me feel more comfortable about things like using my partner’s pronouns in conversation, and so my progression to being openly gay at IG was organic.
The aim of the IG LGBTQIA network is to create understanding and mindfulness within IG that allows for fundamental acceptance and freedom for people to comfortably and confidently be exactly who they are. I think that IG understands that this is the kind of environment that allows people to flourish. IG doesn’t merely promote tolerance; it celebrates what makes us different. The network proudly serves the community across our offices in the UK, Germany, Geneva, Japan, Australia and South Africa: the support truly is worldwide.
My experiences with the general public haven’t always been as positive. In South Africa, we are no strangers to open prejudice. There are companies that will not do business with gay people; many churches will not allow gay people to join their congregations. Some people will spew their hatred onto you if they get the chance, insulting and degrading you from the safety of the opposite pavement. But we are survivors, we adapt, and there are allies everywhere. Thankfully, the world continues to move forward, albeit slowly. I’m at a place in my life where I know when and how to stand up for myself. I can now call myself confidently gay. Proud.
I love that we are represented by rainbows, that what we stand for is beautiful and hard-earned and worth it. Today, I’m proud of the differences that set me aside from some yet to include me in an international community like no other. I’m grateful to be alive at a time that has witnessed historical changes in the gay movement and gay rights. I love where we’re headed as a global community, and I’m honoured to work with a company that actively supports that journey.
Like all of us, I want to see more change, and less hate. My personal Gay Utopia is nothing more than basic vanilla equality! As a South African, I’m gratified by my country’s progression in gay rights – South Africa was the fifth country ever to legally recognize same-sex marriage and I fly that flag with honour. But, at the ground level, prejudice, maltreatment, bias and abuse against gay people are common in South Africa and everywhere else in the world. I would like for all of humanity to realise that gender, sexual identity and orientation are not voluntary, and do not make a difference to character, values or ethics – and shouldn’t influence career choices.
I look forward to a time when gay people across the world can live without fear, travel without restrictions and are looked upon in business and in life as no different than anyone else. As equal.
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