The internet began a debate about the importance of queer spaces after a straight woman shared her experience in a lesbian bar
BY ELLA GAUCI, IMAGE BY KZENON
Drama has erupted on the video-sharing site TikTok after a straight woman shared her experience at a lesbian bar. Quickly dubbed as “The TikTok Lesbian Bar Drama”, this video has begun a conversation both on and offline about the importance of protecting LGBTQIA spaces.
The video in question was created by Lexi Stout who shared a story about her experience at the lesbian bar Cubbyhole in New York. The TikTok creator began her video explaining that she was at the infamous bar with her lesbian friend, and was initially “living [her] best life”.
Things changed, however, when her straight male friend turned up at the bar. Lexi told her followers that within two minutes of him being there, he was confronted by a woman and asked: “What are you doing here?”
@thelexistout #nycbars #nycnightlife #westvillagenyc #skincare #lesbiansoftiktok #lesbiansnyc ♬ original sound – Lexi Stout
Lexi claimed that she was “taken aback” by this, and pointed out that there were gay men in the bar who were not approached. She asked her followers: “[The woman] was not having it. She did not want him in that bar at all, and I get it. But, like, there’s no rules against that… But I was just curious. Are straight males not allowed to go to a lesbian bar?”
Other TikTok users quickly responded to Lexi’s video, expressing their discomfort at her video and her approach to queer spaces. Cubbyhole is just one of the (approximately) 30 lesbian bars left in the United States.
“The learning point is that she just doesn’t understand what it’s like to need those safe spaces,” @thezoyaroya responded to the drama.
“Lesbian bars are for lesbians,” another user wrote.
TikToker @anniekabannie called out Lexi for her description of the event. “You cannot say that you are an ally to a marginalised group of people and then, when someone who represents the oppressor shows up in a space that is solely dedicated as a safe space for that marginalised community, act confused when people within that marginalised community show aggression or hostility and maybe even a little bit of suspicion towards that person that represents the oppressor.”
The lesbian patron who questioned the straight man in question made a video on 3 February identifying herself, and shedding some more context to the story. Katie, whose username is @im.that.lesbian, explained why she approached the man and then gave her take on the wider debate surrounding LGBTQIA spaces.
“I want literally nothing to do with straight people, which is why I’m in Cubbyhole in the first place,” Katie said. “I have seen a lot of cis, straight guys come into this bar and cause problems. It’s a known thing… There are straight dudes that come into these bars specifically ’cause they’re trying to pick up girls. So I wasn’t trying to instigate anything. I was just trying to safety check.”
@im.that.lesbian #stitch with @Lexi Stout her queer friend also hit on me after this incident which was v ironic @lesbianbarproject ♬ original sound – im.that.lesbian
Polly Shute, co-Founder OUTspoken Speaker Network and Out & Wild Festival, told DIVA about the importance of preserving LGBTQIA spaces for women and non-binary people. “There is a real requirement for safe and supportive spaces for queer women and non-binary people to meet and connect. Many ‘gay’ bars are designed more for a male audience and it’s deeply worrying that I am hearing some of these are even deliberately excluding queer women.”
“Most events targeted at queer women and those who are non-binary are now ‘pop ups’ and can be hard to find, especially if you are not out/using social media. We need more permanent spaces, including cafes, that open day long.”
So did Lexi respond to the drama? She did, but many have been left unhappy with her response. “I didn’t mean any ill will by it, and the lesbians of TikTok are coming for me, and I’m sorry for that,” she said. “I really just had a genuine question, and I didn’t know I was gonna get yelled at, bombarded, screamed at. There’s lots of mean things going on in those comments.”
“I have learned my lesson, and I will never be returning to a lesbian bar ever again, for good reason,” Lexi continued. “It’s plain and simple: It’s not a space for me.”
DIVA magazine celebrates 30 years in print in 2024. If you like what we do, then get behind LGBTQIA media and keep us going for another generation. Your support is invaluable.
