Warning: So many spoilers you won’t know where to look.
BY ELLA GAUCI, IMAGE BY NETFLIX
If you haven’t heard of Netflix’s new show Ultimatum: Queer Love, where have you been? The concept is fairly simple: a bunch of couples come together with one thing in common (other than being super queer) – one partner wants marriage, the other doesn’t.
In order to test their relationships, each couple ‘breaks up’ and has the chance to date other contestants to see if there is someone else they are more compatible with. Released on 24 May, we practically sprinted to our TVs to watch the chaotic, gay drama unfold. And it did not disappoint.
Before we give you the lowdown on all the queer tea, here are the couples.
Yoly (34) & Mal (36)
Our first couple is the amazing Yoly (she/her) and Mal (she/her/they). Having met at Pride, the ultimatum was issued by Yoly who wants to move things along in their relationship. However, Mal wants to be financially ready to take that big step… and they also feel a little insecure about how much Yoly actually loves them.
Lexi (24) & Rae (27)
Despite being the youngest contestant in the show, Lexi (she/her) issued her ultimatum to her girlfriend Rae (she/her) because she wants to get hitched. Rae, however, wants to have freedom and can’t help over analysing their flaws.
Mildred (33) & Tiff (32)
Our favourite dramatic couple award has to go to Mildred (she/her) and Tiff (they/them). The couple admit that miscommunication has led them to a cycle of constantly breaking up and getting back together again. Mildred was the one to give the ultimatum.
Xander (30) & Vanessa (30)
Ohhh boy. Vanessa (she/her) and Xander (she/they) are definitely… something. While Xander wants to start a family together, Vanessa is terrified of having to commit to one person. You don’t say?
Sam (31) & Aussie (42)
Lastly, despite only being together for 18 months, Sam (she/her) says that she’s ready for marriage with her partner Aussie (pronoun: Aussie). We’ll see about that…
We can already tell that this show is going to become our personality for the rest of the year. Here are some of the best moments from the first four episodes.
The initial speed dating rounds gave us so much queer joy. Our favourite moment has to be Mal and Tiff realising neither of them had been on a date with a masc person before.
“Traditionally, I don’t date masc,” Mal says. “But I’m also like: ‘Fuck it’. We’re here. I’m grown. I might have way more in common with you than anybody here.”
The Vanessa, Lexi, and Rae triangle
Ultimatum: Queer Love is quite possibly the only place you’d ever see a love triangle quite like this. Imagine competing against your ex who is trying to date the same person as you. Both Lexi and Rae feel a romantic and physical connection to Vanessa after going on some dates. However, when Lexi calls out Vanessa for having dubious intentions, you know some stuff is about to go down…
The climax of Episode 2 has to be the beginning of The Choice ceremony. For those who are new to the Ultimatum format, each person has to choose a new partner to live with for three weeks. Think of it like a trial marriage.
I know that everyone watching audibly gasped when Lexi called out Vanessa for having bad intentions. Yikes!
Another notable moment was when Tiff had to leave the room in floods of tears because Mildred chose to partner with Aussie. Double yikes…
Tiff and their dog
We want someone to care about us as much as Tiff loves their dog! After coupling up with Sam, cracks start to show in the pair pretty early on about a certain third member in their relationship… Tiff’s dog.
In one scene Tiff even screams at Sam: “I’m asking you to act like you care about my dog?” Things were pretty awkward after that…
Yoly and Xander
Okay, we didn’t think we’d go into this show shipping any of the couples. But #Yander (or #Xoly?) have our heart. From their snuggles in bed to that rather steamy kiss by the refrigerator, we couldn’t help smiling along with them.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never *accidentally* found myself going to second base with someone. But apparently for Vanessa, anything is possible.
After a steamy night, Rae feels so much guilt about sleeping with Vanessa that she calls her ex, Lexi. The next day the producers were ready for the tea when they sat Lexi down opposite Vanessa.
The episode finishes on Lexi’s comment: “I have to understand why she trusted you enough to let you fuck her.” We’re still trying to work that one out too…
Netflix, please release the next episodes soon. We don’t think our hearts can handle all this excitement!
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