DIVA meets the queer comedian helping people everywhere understand heartbreak and love
Rosie Wilby is an award-winning comedian, globally-published author, keynote speaker and creator of the hit podcast and book The Breakup Monologues. She regularly appears on radio and television and delivers keynotes around the world sharing the transferable life lessons she has picked up during her unusual life as a performer whose tour venues have included philosophy festivals, comedy clubs, and a sex party!
She is on a mission to help us build more compassionate and ethical relationships, in both our professional and personal lives, and use humour to better communicate our boundaries and needs. During her colourful creative career, Rosie has faced challenges from house fires to flooded venues and, of course, a pandemic that closed down the arts world for two years.
In responding to these challenges, she has learned that these moments of adversity might actually be the ones that make us who we are.
OUTSpoken Speakers Network was launched on 28 September, providing a new platform to amplify, connect, and support LGBTQIA women and non-binary people. Co-founded by Polly Shute and Raga D’silva, the Network aims to provide a best-in-class speaker agency, expertly designed workshops and training, curated, bespoke panel sessions, networking events and online toolkits and digital content.
What inspired you to start performing standup comedy?
I started comedy after my music career fizzled out when my band all broke up. I joke that it was because we had slept together in various combinations – and that’s scarily close to the truth.
I’d always chatted in between the songs and people had found those self-deprecating stories funny. So I’d always had the possibility of trying standup in the back of my mind. Then in the mid noughties, I saw a comedy competition advertised in the paper. And that was that. I soon started touring and doing Edinburgh Fringe.
What inspired you to create The Breakup Monologues book and podcast?
The Breakup Monologues podcast and book were inspired when I was dumped by email. I joked that I felt better after correcting my ex’s spelling. But of course, it’s actually a totally bewildering and painful experience. You lose all sense of self. And I wanted to explore the science of heartbreak in a really accessible and inclusive way. All the textbooks about it were written with heteronormative relationships in mind.
Who are some of your biggest role models and what have you learnt from them?
Some of my LGBTQIA contemporaries on the comedy circuit are a real inspiration. Zoe Lyons and I went to University together and had a crush on the same woman. We both had our hearts broken when she “married” her girlfriend in a same-sex wedding demo we staged (this was back in the 90s before civil partnerships). So we always kept in touch a little bit back then. When I started comedy, she said to me “Put your best stuff at the beginning and end. And the middle will sort itself out.”
Why is representation and visibility comedy so important?
Visibility is important because comedy was this really male testosterone-y environment until really recently. Even now, two women are rarely put on a comedy bill together. Because we are seen as a “risk” – even though we’ve probably had to work ten times as hard to get there.
Which do you find more difficult – standup comedy or writing books?
Nowadays, writing is my passion. I still perform standup. However many of my favourite clubs closed down during the pandemic. And the landscape really changed. So I’m really loving the books side of things. I’m currently working on my debut novel, which is set in the world of standup and explores a complicated relationship between a heteronormative woman and a queer woman. Their differing understandings of privilege and prejudice inform some juicy dialogue and clandestine sex scenes.
What is the most rewarding part of your career?
The most rewarding part is meeting readers who’ve really connected with my two books. So many people have told me that The Breakup Monologues helped them through a heartbreak, or helped them to stay friends with their ex. Those stories are lovely to hear.
And following on from that, what would you say is the most challenging part of your career?
The challenging part is navigating the publishing industry. Its rather traditional structures and values don’t always allow for marginalised voices to thrive and be heard. But I’ve been trying to speak at my own book events, book launches, literary festivals and publishing industry events about what measures could be put in place to help authors who aren’t white, straight and posh. And some publishers have told me that they’ve really listened to what I’ve said. So let’s hope some changes may start happening.
Find Rosie here:
Rosie’s book The Breakup Monologues is available here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1472982282/
Find out more about OUTSpoken speakers here: www.outspokenspeakers.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/outspoken-speakers-2888a4278/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/outspoken_speakers/
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