“I need to believe that a higher energy is absorbing what’s going on – that they have my back, our backs, and that hopefully there is some respite”
BY ALEXANDRA D’SA, IMAGE BY BIGC STUDIO
When I was 14, I came out to a priest. Yes, in the confessional. I wasn’t three sentences in before he told me to “Go home, and read Luke Chapter 15”.
For those of you not as au fait with Bible verses (I certainly was not at 14), it’s the Parable of the Lost Sheep. Jesus goes in search of a lost sheep, leaving 99 behind. It ends with: “I tell you that in the same way, there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”
And thus endeth my teenage years with Catholicism. I wasn’t a sinner, and I certainly was not repenting. This priest didn’t understand me at all. I stopped paying attention in Church, I stopped going to Girl Guides because of their links with the Church. However, despite my lack of worship, I never stopped believing in a higher being.
My story isn’t dissimilar to many I’ve heard over the years from queer people who have had a complicated journey with Faith and Religion, whichever Faith or Religion it might be. The common denominator seems to be that at some point, we move away from it, not quite being able to reconcile it with our queerness.
For some, we are able eventually to figure out a form of worship that does work for us. For some, we don’t. What I have discovered is that if you think the journey is over, you’re wrong.
I was first drawn to the mystical by watching Sabrina The Teenage Witch, wanting nothing more than to own her gigantic, parchment-filled spellbook. As I drifted from Christianity in my youth, I became more invested in Buffy The Vampire Slayer (the grown-up’s Sabrina).
The stories compelled me. Young women connecting with something much greater than them, being guided by teachers (Hilda, Zelda, and Giles, respectively) who help them connect to their power, and figuring out what was within their control and what wasn’t.
This was, and is, so important to me as a queer person. The world often seems like it’s going to f**k. Our community is constantly being attacked. I need to believe that a higher energy is absorbing what’s going on – that they have my back, our backs, and that hopefully there is some respite.
There are many definitions of Spirituality. Of course, there are – we all experience it differently. So instead of listing all that spirituality could be, I’ll let you know which definition resonated the most with me.
The experience or expression of the sacred.
What attracts me to this explanation is that it implies that spirituality is not continuous, or even frequent. The expression is within our control. The experience isn’t, necessarily. Our connections to other human beings, our love for whatever sex or gender or energy we might love, also arguably isn’t in our control.
There is also a definition of spirituality that speaks to “the process of seeking personal authenticity, genuineness, and wholeness”
And if that isn’t the Queer Manifesto… I don’t know what is.
To explore yourselves spiritually this Halloween weekend, check out House of Pride’s event WITCH on Saturday 28 and Sunday 29 at Glasshouse, London. Gong baths, tarot, astrology, Celtic spirituality – there are so many workshops to enjoy. DIVA readers get 15% off with the discount code HOPOWEEN.
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