I’ve done a fair bit of reflecting, and think it’s time I laid out my “relationship wish list”


Erm, I’m going to level with you folks… I don’t know what to write.

This is a column about love, dating and sex. I can regrettably report, none of those things are happening in the Cheeky Charmer’s life right now.

Niente. Nothing. Zilch.

Hence why I’m stalling for something to say in the first few paragraphs*.

*See how meta I get sometimes?

Yes folks, the Cheeky Charmer’s love life is mainly characterised by tumbleweed these days.

But, you know what? That’s ok. In fact, it’s more than ok. It’s healthy to have a break from dating between relationships. Particularly when you’ve come out of something intense and are taking time to heal.

Having time for yourself can be really affirming. It gives you a chance to reflect and grow, to think about what you want, and need from a partner going forwards. And, super importantly, what you need to give a partner.

So, that’s what I thought I’d write about.

See how I segued from “I don’t know what to write” to making it all look like part of my plan?

I’ve done a fair bit of reflecting since my last relationship, and think it’s time I laid out my “relationship wish list”. It’s kind of a shout out to the universe for what I’m looking for. And the universe is always listening…

Actually, scrap that. Let’s forget about what we “want”, let’s focus on what we “need”. The two can be very different. Often, we get seduced into choosing “want” over “need”. Which invariably ends in disaster.

So, I’m gonna lay out my “what I need in a relationship” list, and maybe you’ll feel inspired to get clear on yours?

Here we go:

  •  Someone who appreciates what they have with me. Who looks past my rough edges, and annoying habits, and see’s the big, loveable, puppy dog that’s waiting for a cuddle.
  •  Someone who’s patient. Who gives me a chance and doesn’t throw in the towel at the first hurdle. Someone who wants to work with me to build something beautiful.
  •   A woman who’s kind and gentle. I’m a sucker for those qualities. Hey, they’re not bad things to be a sucker for! BUT, universe, she also needs to be strong and hold me sometimes. Yes, yes, yes, I know I like to give it all the “I’ll protect you” swagger, and I will, but sometimes I need protecting too.
  • My team-mate, cheerleader, and biggest fan. And, of course, I’ll be those to her too. I want… sorry, need a relationship where we’re championing each other. Where the other person’s successes are as important as our own.
  •  I know you know this universe, but I really need a girlfriend with a sense of humour. And she’s gotta dig mine. ‘Coz I’m gonna drive her nuts otherwise! Someone I can have fun and be totally myself with (and who still fancies me after that!).
  • Someone with the same values and life goals as me. This one’s soooooooooo important. I’ve learnt that the hard way. You’ve got to have the same values and want the same things, or it just won’t work. Someone who sees the world the same way I do, whilst opening my mind to other things. 
  • Ooooooh, I almost forgot! Someone I’m sexually compatible with (if I can remember how to do it – it’s been a while!).
  • A woman who sees me for me. Who loves, values, and celebrates my glorious gender non-conformity and allows me to be myself.

So, that’s my wish list. What’s on yours?

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