Our first argument was about Stella McCartney lingerie. Is that perhaps the most lipstick lesbian thing I have ever said?


On our first date, Pearl and I dressed remarkably similarly. The vibe was very smasual (smart casual), with both of us in simple black tops with brightly coloured trousers. Mine were mustard yellow, hers were orange. We laughed about it at first. It made sense, I’d spent so long looking for a lipstick lesbian soul mate that when I found one, we put together our outfits almost identically. Great minds think alike.

However, with great outfits comes great responsibility. I soon noticed that a theme was emerging. As my relationship with Pearl progressed, more and more frequently did we look like we were intentionally matching. Having such similar taste to your partner is both a blessing and a curse. It’s not unusual for us to argue over clothes, be it because we are going out for dinner and both want to wear the same dress, or become someone allegedly saw a pair of shoes first but the other wants to buy them. I hasten to add that we can’t really share actual items of clothing due to a distinct difference in height. I’m 5’6, petite Pearl CLAIMS to be 5ft although I suspect that she is even shorter. I once tried on one of her jumpers and it looked like I had stolen it from a small child.

Our first argument was about Stella McCartney lingerie. Is that perhaps the most lipstick lesbian thing I have ever said? Possibly. I’ll set the scene. We had both been lusting after the same set online. It was beautiful but unfathomably overpriced. When the set was dramatically reduced in a sale, Pearl bought it for herself while I was out for dinner with family. I came home, learned that she had got to it first (the ultimate betrayal) and chaos ensued. After ACTUAL TEARS were shed, the underwear ended up being returned. If I sound like I’m not over it, it’s because I’m not.

The “I saw it first so it’s mine and you can’t have it” attitude we’ve both adopted means that going shopping together can be risky to say the least. We joke that we can’t set foot in Zara together any more lest we have an argument. When I say joke, I mean it’s not a joke at all and I truly believe that if we venture in there again, we may well be removed by security. 

If this wasn’t enough, getting ready together can be an absolute minefield. If by some miracle, we end up choosing outfits where we don’t look like we’re deliberately matching, the “are you wearing a heels/lipstick/a dress?” question is always sure to rub someone up the wrong way. You see, if Pearl wears heels out for dinner with me, I will inevitably FREAK OUT that she looks infinitely more femme than I do. If I opt to wear red lipstick when she wasn’t planning to wear any, you can bet she’ll put some on, just because she doesn’t want to look less well put together than I do. Nobody teaches you the rules of dressing in a lipstick lesbian relationship, but I’m slowly figuring it out, one outfit at a time.

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