Sofie Roos opens up about her journey to accepting and loving her bisexuality
IMAGE BY DANIEL MORFIN/CANVA
As someone who’s been openly bisexual for more than half my life, I’ve been through some struggles related to my sexuality. Receiving tiring prejudices to not really feeling fully at home in the queer community has certainly been tough.
I remember when I was younger and out dating, and a person I went on a date with said that they “could never date someone who’s bi”. That hurt a lot. And, unfortunately, many people seem to find it acceptable to make comments like that when it’s in relation to members of the bisexual community. They don’t seem to think about how much it hurts for us.
For a long time, I felt seen more as someone “straight but curious” than bisexual, but today, happily married to a woman, old and wise, I feel at home and accepted in my own sexuality.
But I still see and hear lots of other bi women who go through the same things as I did – describing how they feel being in a liminal space, and how they get treated almost as if their sexuality is just a phase, and that it’s only real if you’re dating a woman.
That is, of course, not true. You’re still bisexual if you date a man, and you aren’t less queer because you get attracted to different genders.
If you’re a bisexual woman, you probably still hear people claim that you are confused or don’t know that you want. You’ve likely been told your problems aren’t that serious as you have it easier than other queer women. I know I have.
Making a person feel this way often hurts way more than we think, and it can lead to a big feeling of loneliness. It can make bi folks struggle with truly listening to their own heart without feeling the need to prove something about themselves.
So, dear bisexuals out there: you should never feel as if you need to prove anything. You don’t need to defend your attraction.
The next time you’re on a date with someone and you tell them that you’re bisexual and they reply with something like: “Well, it sounds like you haven’t decided what you want yet,” just stand up and leave. That’s not the person for you, and you’ll meet someone who understands, respects and wants you for who you are, and appreciates that you’re interested in them.
And to all my fellow bi girls out there: I see how you fight and I understand what you’re going through.
The more we talk about this, the more we can make other people understand, because many times, there’s actually no harm intended – they just don’t understand that this is hurting us.
And whatever you do – remember that you’re not “half lesbian” and “half straight” – you’re bisexual, and being bi is being a queer woman, and no one can take that away from you. We’re beautiful, worthy of love and enough just the way we are!
Sofie Roos, is a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, as well as an author at the Swedish sex and relationship magazine Passionerad.
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