It’s important to be aware of what challenges you might experience so you know how to face them together
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE BY ANNA STILLS VIA CANVA
Experiencing problems with your sex life? I’m Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, as well as author at the Swedish sex and relationship online publication Passionerad. I’m here to help sapphics identify common intimacy issues in their relationships and how to work with them.
Differences in libido
It’s easy to get in a situation where your libidos are different. The best way of dealing with this is to talk about your needs in an open and respectful way, and try to find the reasons why you’re experiencing the difference.
Some common reasons are stress, lack of sleep, a bad job or studying situation. It could also be because of a dysfunctional relationship dynamic.
Being interested in different types of sex is another common reason. One of you might want intense and passionate intimacy, while the other one lusts for slow and long sessions. To deal with different preferences, try compromising and get elements in the sex that both of you like.
Lack of communication around what you enjoy
Feeling unsatisfied with sex is often rooted in not talking about your sexual preferences and needs. This is often due to the anxiety of being rejected or judged by your partner or not wanting to come off as critical of them as lovers.
You need to open up about what you enjoy in bed and what you’d like to explore with your partner. This will help the two of you understand how you can make it more pleasurable for one another in the bedsheets.
Sex doesn’t feel natural or safe
It’s common for sapphics to feel uncomfortable in their own bodies during sex or in the overall situation with intimacy.
It can for example stem from previous trauma, a negative body image, that you haven’t learned to love yourself, or from a bad relationship with your sexuality. The best way to work with these issues is to build acceptance and trust by taking help from a therapist or sexologist, as well as by vulnerably open up about your fears with your partner.
Intimacy feels uninspiring and unsexy
This is a common consequence of not investing time and energy in your sex life.
Fix this by exploring new ways of touching each other and your fantasies. This might look like trying out roleplay, different sex toys or having sex in new places. Make sure to have an ongoing conversation about what you’re curious about trying.
You feel more like friends than lovers
For the sex to be passionate long-term, you need to treat each other as romantic partners outside of bed too. Flirt, tease and touch one another, and you’ll re-build the romantic and hot dynamic between you!
The desire dies
To not lust for each other is a common consequence of not having a good balance between time together and quality time on your own. So make sure to both invest in yourself and your relationship, so you get to miss and lust for each other at times, but still build a stronger relationship together!
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