From swiping to first messages, here are some tips
BY NAZ SAKICI, IMAGE BY AHMANI VIDAL FROM GETTY IMAGES SIGNATURE/ CANVA
Getting into the dating scene as a baby gay isn’t easy. We’ve all been there, especially with the nuance of online dating. Things might seem intimidating at first, but dating apps are perfect places to meet queer people if you don’t know many queer people in real life and don’t know where to start dating. Yes, it could have its hard moments, whether it’s making the first move, sending a flirty text, or getting to know the person on a deeper level, in the end it is all about taking it easy and having fun.
Your profile
Setting your profile is one of the most important steps of the whole journey, since it is going to determine people’s first impression of you when they are going through the app. Let’s start with photos. While picking the perfect first photo, it would be best if you pick a selfie that you feel confident in. After that one is done, it is best for you to pick photos that truly reflect who you are as a person. It could be you at a concert or a party, you with your pet or your friends, you at an exhibition, etc. Pick the photos that scream YOU. If the app has voice notes, make sure to use them, especially let your friends describe you in their own words. (Bonus tip: adding a meme that sums up you as a person or your dating goals can be an ice breaker to the people who are interested in you.)
Making the first move
Now let’s say you settled in: you are confident and you are ready to take the next step. A lot of sapphics admit that they have a hard time flirting with women and shy away from it both online and in real life. Well, I’m here to tell you that there is nothing to be afraid of and everything will work out fine if you take it easy. In order to make the first move, my suggestion is to make a comment on something that is in their profile. For example, if they are talking about their gay awakening, ask them about it in detail. If they mention a pet, ask them their name and the breed. Instead of complimenting the person’s appearance, compliment them on their taste – it will get you into a longer conversation.
Talking stage
The beauty of the talking stage is that there should be no pressure; dating is supposed to be fun, it’s not a chore you are forced to do. You are talking to people you find attractive and want to get to know on a deeper level. So take your time, enjoy each other’s company. If things go further, get each other’s phone number, talk on the phone, then get into a video call, and when you feel ready, arrange a meet-up and see how things go in real life. No matter how long you talk online or on the phone, the best way to get to know a person and test your chemistry is face-to-face.
Let’s say it didn’t work out
I know, I know this might seem heartbreaking at first. But in the end, you saw that you can actually do this. You can actually step into the dating world as a baby gay, you can actually flirt and charm other people. And I know it might not seem like it because the queer dating pool is smaller compared to the heterosexual one, but there are plenty of fish in the sea for you to get to know. As I said before, dating is supposed to be fun. So yes, you can mourn the person that came before, but at the end of the day you should move forward and discover more people. In the end, you will start to find your voice and confidence.
DIVA magazine celebrates 31 years in print in 2025. If you like what we do, then get behind LGBTQIA+ media and keep us going for another generation. Your support is invaluable.
