Comedian Britt Migs talks about how getting divorced helped her connect with queerness
BY BRITT MIGS, IMAGE BY DEV BOWMAN
“No one’s gonna want to date me; I’ve got too much baggage!” I thought before I re-entered the dating pool as a newly divorced woman. Who would possibly want to take on someone who had just gotten out of something so serious? Wouldn’t that scare people away? Sure, maybe cis-het men. It turns out it’s the complete opposite for the queer community.
After being out of the game for six years, I wasn’t just afraid to re-enter the world of apps and hookups and bad texting. I was also dealing with the scary prospect of a second coming out. It turns out that when you declare your bisexuality at 25, but only tell your family that you’re attracted to women in passing and then get hetero-married, they don’t believe you. The biphobia is real, y’all! Thankfully I had a great group of friends who were there to take me to lesbian bars and ladies nights when I forcefully declared, “This is the summer I get GAYER!”
I was a little nervous and embarrassed to be such a baby queer. I’d had very few gay experiences since my half-hearted coming out in my twenties. But unbeknownst to me, being a divorcee bumped me up a few grades. I wasn’t the clueless freshman I thought I’d be. I was apparently a sexy, mysterious senior. My divorce wasn’t something I needed to be ashamed of, it was a badge of honour, something that added to my appeal. I got a lot of, “You’re divorced? That’s so hot!”
Was it because I was “coming to the other side”? Or, was it because I was bucking against the norm and doing something people would consider wild? I mean, it was a radical act of queerness to dump my cheating ex-husband. But, ultimately, I think it’s because queer people can see themselves in this story, and in all stories of divorce. We have all had to leave the comfort of the known and, in order to fully be ourselves, lose things – even people – in the process. Getting divorced is inherently queer!
Sapphic relationships always seem to be deeper, more emotional; so people in our community appreciate someone who’s got some experience (trauma) under their belt. I wasn’t damaged goods, I was well-tested goods. And yes, there was something hot about me giving a man the old heave-ho. In the words of a queer friend, “There’s something so attractive about you saying, ‘No, fuck that, I deserve better.’” Knowing what you want in a partner, or rather, what you definitely don’t want, can be a turn-on. I mean, we all love a self-assured bossy bottom. Apparently, me being divorced not only implied that I was powerful and resilient – it also implied that I was older, which the lesbian community is obsessed with (see, Gillian Anderson).
That summer, I did get gayer. My crush DM’ed me on Instagram, “Hey, weird question, but are you queer?” to which I responded, “Yes, I’m actually so dedicated to the cause that I divorced my cishet husband.” They thought that was hot. Our first date was a Pride event and we’ve been in love ever since. Follow your big, gay dreams, kids!
Britt Migs’ debut stand up show Dolphin Mode will be at the Underbelly Buttercup on George Square for the entire Fringe. For tickets go to www.edfringe.com
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