Advice for LGBTQIA+ women and non-binary people, both newbies and the very experienced
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE VIA UNSPLASH (LEYREDELRIOX)
Oral sex can be so heavenly and pleasurable, and for many sapphic women and queer people with vaginas, it’s a big part of their sex life.
I’m Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist, relationships therapist and author for the Swedish relationship magazine Passionerad. I’m also bisexual, living with a woman. Suffice it to say, I know a thing or two when it comes to the world of cunnilingus.
I’m here to give you, dear DIVA reader, my best advice on how to take your oral game to the next level – no matter if you’re a beginner who doesn’t know where to start off, or a certified pro that just wants some new input to make it even more pleasurable for your partner.
First up, let’s take a look at my guide for beginners…
Are you a queer woman or non-binary person who is completely new to oral sex? No worries, I’ve got you covered.
Eat the V with passion
My best advice is to eat the vagina with passion – don’t hold back, which is a common mistake many beginners do, often out of being unsure how to do it. But if you are enthusiastic and show that you like it, it’ll not only make your partner able to relax more, but you will also give better oral sex!
You’re not in a rush
Slooow down!
You can go slowly, because that instantly makes it more passionate, enjoyable and makes you a better pleaser.
When going slow, it’s also easier to pick up on your partner’s signals, you get yourself time to explore parts of the vulva with different techniques, and you build it up in a very hot way – so make soft movements and don’t be afraid of letting it take some time!
Put energy into the communication
To communicate a lot is key for being able to give pleasurable oral sex – so don’t go down there and lock in, but instead be responsive to your partner’s signals, such as their breathing and their body language.
If they pull you closer or start to play with your hair, that’s often a sign that they enjoy what you’re doing. The same if their breathing gets heavier, or if they start moaning.
A great rule is – the more active they are, the better it is, so if they lay there without giving much response, they are most likely not having the time of their life.
There’s no shame in asking about your partner’s preferences
Ask your partner how they like to be eaten – such as how intense stimulation they prefer, what pattern and pressure they enjoy most on the clitoris and if there’s something in particular that often makes them cum or makes them have an extra good time.
You can’t read their minds, and while you can pick up on what they enjoy during the ride, it doesn’t hurt to ask beforehand to give you an idea of where to start!
Don’t forget about your hands
Get your hands involved, too. They can stimulate other erogenous zones at the same time, such as their nipples, or you can simply touch their legs, take their hands or let your partner suck on your fingers.
By adding in the hands, you give your partner a more full-bodied experience, and you make them more turned on and sensitive!
Are you an experienced queer woman or non-binary person who’s been giving oral sex for years but still looking to up your game? Then keep on reading…
You are never fully learned, and I would therefore love to give you some advice that will give you new inspiration and help you get even better at eating your darling out.
Remember that these five pieces of advice require that you can communicate well with your partner, that you know how to find and stimulate the clit, and that you have great fingertip feel when it comes to stimulation and picking up your partner’s signals!
Edge your partner
Edge your partner with your tongue on their clitoris by slowly building up their orgasm, and when you feel they’re about to reach all the way, you stop!
To know when to stop, you can either tell your partner to signal to you when they’re about to climax, or you can just gain experience and learn the signals that come when their orgasm is close.
Then you wait and let your partner calm down without stimulating them in any way. This often requires waiting around 60 seconds, and then you repeat this process by stimulating them close to climax and stopping again.
Do this four to five times, and then let them reach all the way – this will give extremely strong orgasms, and the journey towards the climax is highly pleasurable as well.
Even if edging is not for everyone since some think it gets too intense, most will think you’re a pussy eating god if learning how to master edging the clit with your tongue – so try it out and if both of you like it, start practising together – because edging is a team play where the one getting the stimulation needs to be a part of signaling when it’s time to stop!
The ass is full of nerves too
If wanting to take your oral sex game to the next level, involving the ass is something that makes the experience so much more pleasurable!
Why not try licking the pussy and then the ass? If that’s not something you want to try, you could also give the ass some love with your fingers, either making circle movements with lube, or saliva, or by gently inserting a finger. You could also add a butt plug to the game, either a traditional one, or one with vibrations.
The main thing is that the anus has tons of sensitive nerves that makes the brain light up of pleasure if they are being stimulated, and in combination with oral sex, this will give a sexual experience that’s unforgettable!
Combine fingering with giving oral
To finger your partner while eating them is quite difficult, because you need to reach with your fingers without getting in the way of your tongue.
So find an angle where you can reach well. Your partner lying in the missionary position with a pillow under the lumbar spine is often easiest. From there, try to both perform oral and finger the vagina at the same time, preferably on the g-spot. Be soft, build it up calmly and slowly add more pace!
When finding a way that you can finger and perform oral in a pleasurable way – at the same time, you’ll be unstoppable.
You can even learn to master how to give a double orgasm – a clitoris and g-spot orgasm at the same time, which will take your partner to another galaxy!
Don’t get stuck on the same pattern and rhythm
This advice is for people who are just about to get more advanced – and it’s to change your rhythm, your pressure and the movements you make.
Jump between doing circles, doing the pattern of an eight, lick up, lick to the side or suck gently on the clit. Also, play with different intensities.
This makes the oral sex more dynamic and interesting for your partner, and while you shouldn’t overdo this since most people with vaginas like some consistency during sex to be able to build up the orgasm, you can play around with it with some style.
Holding the same pace for a long time builds up the orgasm
Last but not least, I have another piece of advice for people who’re just about to leave the beginners phase of eating pussy, and it is to not be afraid to keep the exact same pace for a long time. This is something that’s more difficult than it might sound, and therefore needs lots of practice.
Generally, for this method, start slowly and then hold that tempo for a long stretch.
When you hear your partner’s pleasure building up, add a little bit of tempo and just slightly more pressure, but still in the same pattern, and then keep on going until your partner hopefully reaches orgasm – and don’t give up, even if you feel like you’ve been going on forever – to build up a nice orgasm takes time!
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