(Exclusive) Hinge: Half of lesbian daters feel pressure to present as more masc or femme

DIVA spoke to Moe Ari Brown about navigating label fatigue and learning how to show up as your authentic self online 

BY ELLA GAUCI, IMAGES BY HINGE 

Love them or hate them, dating apps have become an integral part of modern love. With just one swipe, you could find the person of your dreams. With the rise in their popularity, LGBTQIA+ daters are facing new barriers in the dating scene. We’re no longer just turning up at a bar and hoping that we catch someone’s eye. Now we can perfectly curate an image of ourselves to secure our potential match – but how is that actually impacting us?

Hinge’s latest LGBTQIA+ D.A.T.E Report delves into how online dating can place pressure on queer daters to fit into a certain box on their quest for love. As DIVA can exclusively report, over half of lesbian daters have felt the need to present as more masc or femme in order to attract someone. Hinge also saw similar numbers for gay, bisexual, queer and trans+ users. 

So why is this? And how can show up authentically on our profiles? DIVA spoke to Hinge’s Love and Connection expert Moe Ari Brown (he/they) to find out more about this year’s report. 

To masc or to femme? That is the question

As Hinge’s latest report shows, nearly half of us have felt pressure to present a certain way in order to secure a match. It’s likely that you too have planned an outfit just to be perceived in a way that is attractive to what you think others may want. Out of the daters who felt the pressure to present more masc or femme, Hinge found that 29% regretted not being true to themselves. 

So how can we move past this pressure? Moe advises asking whether these labels are helping you to broaden your expression or shrink who you are. “Just like attraction, gender expression is fluid. You might feel like a soft stud one day and high femme the next, or none of the above, and that’s beautiful. A label is not a contract. It’s a current, a flow. Let yourself move with it,” they add.

“My top tip is to embrace your true self. If you’re feeling pressure to fit into a mold, pause and ask: ‘What does it mean to express myself authentically today?’ Then dress, speak, move, and connect from that place. The right people will resonate with your authenticity.”

Moving beyond labels 

Labels have always held a special place in the LGBTQIA+ community. They can help us to feel seen. But Hinge’s new report has found that nearly half of all queer daters have considered dating someone outside of the gender or sexuality they are typically attracted to. We see this in Gen Z in particular, who are 39% more likely than millennial daters to have reconsidered their sexuality label after an unexpected attraction to someone. LGBTQIA+ women are actually two times more likely to have used a different label in the past to describe their identity. 

So what do we do if we’re feeling attraction to someone who doesn’t fit our usual type? Moe offers some sage advice. “If you’re curious about expanding your connections, begin by adjusting your Hinge preferences. This low-pressure first step helps you ease into exploring.”

“Look beyond surface-level traits. Who makes you feel safe, energized, and seen? What qualities truly matter to you — kindness, ambition, or playfulness? These core attributes often create the strongest bonds. Remember that chemistry can surprise you. Instead of ruling people out based on preconceptions, give genuine connections a chance to develop naturally.” 

For trans daters in particular, label fatigue is very real. 33% of trans users said that they had felt frustrated about the constraints of certain categories. Moe has seen this type of exhaustion a lot from trans daters. Their advice? “Ensure you take care of yourself first. You are allowed to take a break from dating if you need to. You are allowed to say, ‘I don’t have the language for this yet, but it’s still real.’”

Navigating judgment 

While the LGBTQIA+ community can be a great sounding board for new labels and feelings, it can also be a space that offers judgment if you’re considering a new label to identify as. Hinge found that 60% of daters have experienced judgement when expressing a shift in how they identify.  

“Compassionately correct people who make false assumptions about your identity,” Moe tells DIVA. “You don’t owe anyone over-explaining, but you are allowed to hold your boundaries with grace. Connect with people who celebrate your becoming. Visibility without belonging can be exhausting. Find your people—the ones who cheer your shifts, not question them.” 

You can read Hinge’s full LGBTQIA+ D.A.T.E report here.

DIVA magazine celebrates 31 years in print in 2025. If you like what we do, then get behind LGBTQIA+ media and keep us going for another generation. Your support is invaluable. 

✨linkin.bio/ig-divamagazine ✨