It’s time we felt represented while swiping
BY HEBE HANCOCK, IMAGE BY GETTY
Lesbian Visibility Week is a time to celebrate, uplift, and spotlight queer women – but on dating apps, many lesbians, femmes, and WLW (women-loving-women) users are still feeling overlooked, erased, or straight-up misrepresented.
Despite the rainbow flags in their marketing and inclusive filters, mainstream dating apps continue to fall short when it comes to delivering a safe, affirming experience for lesbian users. Whether it’s persistent algorithmic bias, limited identity options, or the rogue straight men that somehow still sneak into “women-only” feeds, the user experience for many queer women is far from ideal.
Dating apps were originally built around straight swiping logic – and the remnants of that design still linger. According to a 2022 study published in New Media & Society, queer women receive fewer matches on mainstream dating apps compared to their straight counterparts. These algorithms often prioritise user behaviour shaped by heteronormative dynamics, leaving queer users with fewer visible matches and a feeling of digital invisibility.
Even when apps offer LGBTQIA filters, the underlying system still assumes default male-female pairings. This explains why some users continue to encounter men in their match queues despite clear settings indicating otherwise.
The issue of visibility becomes even more complicated for femme-presenting lesbians. Users who don’t fit the “expected” aesthetic of queerness often report being misread as straight, receiving fewer matches, or having to go out of their way to “prove” their sexuality.
Social media platforms like TikTok and Reddit are filled with anecdotal stories about femme erasure – users being asked if they’re “really gay,” or being told they “don’t look it.” This speaks to a larger issue of visibility not just being about presence, but about being recognised and understood on one’s own terms.
Many apps lump lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, and queer users together into vague umbrella categories, with no real distinction between different needs, experiences, or preferences. There’s often little to no functionality for filtering by values, relationship goals, or even dating style – features that could be particularly useful in WLW spaces where emotional intimacy is often prioritised.
This flattening of identity makes it difficult for users to express the full complexity of who they are, what they’re looking for, and how they connect.
Visibility is one thing, but safety is another. A 2022 Stonewall report found that 25% of LBTQ+ women felt unsafe on mainstream dating platforms, with many still receiving unsolicited messages from men or encountering fake profiles.
Gender boundaries on many apps are too easy to bypass, and enforcement of harassment policies is often inconsistent. For queer women who already face disproportionate levels of online abuse, this can turn dating apps from a hopeful space into a hostile one.
Thankfully, not all hope is lost. Platforms like HER are designed by and for LGBTQIA women and nonbinary people, offering a safer, more community-driven approach to digital dating. Lex, a text-based app inspired by old-school personals, brings a lo-fi, queer-first vibe that prioritises connection and identity over polished photos and endless swiping.
Still, many users continue to rely on the big apps simply because of their size and reach. Until the mainstream platforms take steps to actually reflect and respect the full spectrum of queer women’s experiences, alternatives like HER and Lex remain essential lifelines.
As we go through Lesbian Visibility Week this year, it’s time to ask: if these platforms are truly committed to inclusion, why aren’t they building better systems for the people they claim to serve?
Queer women deserve more than just a rainbow filter or a diversity campaign. They deserve dating apps that work for them – platforms that offer nuanced options, visibility without compromise, and safety without question.
Until then, the message is clear: lesbian visibility doesn’t end with hashtags. It has to show up where it matters – even in the apps where love (or at least a decent date) is supposed to start.
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