The legendary broadcaster, author and activist talks to Roxy Bourdillon about holding onto hope, her blissful marriage and her brand new show
IMAGES BY STEVE ULLATHORNE
“When I came out 30 years ago, there were no gay women in entertainment at all,” Sandi Toksvig tells me. “At that time, people still thought Ellen DeGeneres was waiting for the right man.” We laugh, then she becomes more serious. “Everybody said my career was over, without exception.”
Vilified by the tabloids, a newly out Sandi received death threats and had to go into hiding with her partner and young children. Three decades on, the broadcaster, writer, activist and grandmother of four is a national treasure, or as she puts it with her trademark wit, “National Trevor”. She grins, “Much to the irritation of the Daily Mail, I am still here.”
From hosting beloved TV shows like QI and authoring over 20 books (including her latest, Friends Of Dorothy, a warm, hilarious novel about “a family that is not biological, but logical”) to advocating for the rights of women and the LGBTQIA community, Sandi is a renaissance woman with a tremendous drive to get things done. An endlessly fascinating and fascinated person, where does she get all her energy from? “My wife keeps asking me that. As far as I know, this is the only chance we get. This is our moment, so why would you not grab it? Why would you not try everything?”
She admits, “There are days when my wife would like me to slow down. She’s a therapist and the work she does, particularly within the LGBT+ community, is just breathtaking. She’s basically saving the world one person at a time. I’m so proud of her.” Whenever Sandi talks about Debbie, her whole face glows. They have been married for 18 years. “But it’s not enough. It will never be enough. I was hit by lightning when I met her and I still feel like that every second. I think our friends find it nauseating. We are besotted with each other.”
Showing all the signs of being utterly smitten and absolutely no signs of slowing down, DIVA Award winner Sandi is currently preparing for her upcoming stage show, One Night Only, on at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane for not one, but two nights. “But in a sense, it is still for one night only. Every night is different, because it’s a different audience.”
Billed as “an evening of fact-filled comedy, curiosity and music”, the show is a site-specific spin on QI, deep diving into theatre. “We now know when an audience sits down, their heart rates become synchronised. That’s what happens to us as a group, so that’s a classic QI fact.” On this innovative project she says, “Will it work? I don’t know, but isn’t it great? I’m 66 and I’m still doing things that are a bit on the knife edge.”
When Sandi took over from Stephen Fry as host of QI in 2016, she was one of the first women in the history of British TV to host a comedy panel show. “We still don’t have a woman late night chat show host. Why not? Are we not able to stay up late? Does it interfere with our cycles?” She’s joking, but she’s also exasperated. “I don’t know what the problem is. There are still firsts to be had and I’m sad about that.”
On the topic of firsts still to be had, I am speaking to one of the funniest women I can think of the day after something profoundly unfunny has happened. It’s 7 November. Yesterday the world found out that, instead of Kamala Harris becoming the first female president, Donald Trump is returning to the White House. “A lot of tears yesterday,” Sandi reflects. “My genuine concern is that LGBT rights are the next target of the right. It’s not good, but we have to carry on, be optimistic.”
A lifelong feminist, Sandi staged her first protest aged six, outraged at a school rule that only let boys play outside in the rain, and co-founded the Women’s Equality Party in 2015. I can’t think of a better person to ask: how do we hold onto hope and forge a path forward when the future can seem so bleak?
“Quite often you find solace in history,” says Sandi wisely. She tells me about trailblazing politician Jeannette Rankin who, on this day in 1916, became the first woman elected to congress in the US. Jeannette introduced legislation which gave American women the vote and helped co-found the American Civil Liberties Union which, among other things, fought for a woman’s right to choose. In 1941, she was the only member of Congress who voted not to go to war with Japan.
“She said, ‘All I was left with was my integrity’. So we think about Jeannette.” A pause. Then a genuinely inspiring, impromptu speech: “She would not want us to sit at the base of the mountain of hope. She would want us to get up, put our integrity in a nice, neat backpack, look at the top of the mountain and start climbing. We are stronger together. We will not give up. Equality is not for the few; it’s for everybody.”
Speaking to Sandi is a comforting, enlightening and extremely enjoyable experience. It is extraordinary how much she has achieved since she made history and risked her career by coming out all those years ago. I wonder, if she could speak to her younger self at that pivotal moment in 1994, what would she say? “That my family will be wonderful. There’s nothing I like better than Sunday lunch with all of us and the noise. If I’d known the joy that was heading my way, that would have been good.”
Before we say our goodbyes and she heads off to enjoy coffee with Debbie before lunch with her granddaughter, she shares this heartfelt message for DIVA readers. “I am aware that the world is still difficult. If you are struggling and you haven’t come out yet, pick one person you really feel you can trust and say it out loud quietly to them. Start small. It doesn’t have to be a big announcement. You just need to hear yourself say it to another human being.”
Get tickets for One Night Only, on at Theatre Royal Drury Lane 13 and 14 November, by clicking here.
You can also book tickets for Sandi’s Christmas show, Sandi Claus Is Coming To Town, on at the Royal Albert Hall 18 Dec, by clicking here.
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