DIVA caught up with Oli Lipski and Valentine Bordet to find out more about why events like this are so important for LGBTQIA people
BY ELLA GAUCI, IMAGES BY MARY MORGAN @MSMARYMORGAN
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to attend a sensual guided full-body self-touch workshop? Well, you’re in luck. Oli Lipski and Valentine Bordet, two sensual embodiment practitioners, have started their own workshops to help people with vulvas explore and expand their experience of self-pleasure.
This consent-focused, safe space will allow attendees to reconnect with their bodies in a truly unique environment, with the ultimate goal to unlock a new sense of empowerment over their bodies.
Ahead of their next workshop, DIVA spoke to Oli and Val about why this event is so important.
What inspired you to start the Sensual Self-Touch workshop?
Val: Two years ago, I started running community workshops called “Self-Pleasure Club”. I was opening up to my queerness and it came out of my realisation about the lack of spaces and resources to talk about pleasure for marginalised groups and the many stigmas surrounding this. The idea behind this collective was to create a safer and braver space to talk about female pleasure, learn together, share our experiences and validate one another, in a friendly, and non-pressured environment (clothes-on, no sexual acts…).
By starting a collective with such a name, the first reaction I had from people (a lot from cis-men but not only) was “Are you going to get a bunch of women in the same room and masturbate together?” said with both shock and cheek. For that reason, it was always in the back of my mind that it would be something I’d do at some point and that was needed.
Oli: As someone who has been on my own pleasure journey, I know how impactful going to workshops that push me out of my comfort zone to explore has been. Learning and growing in and from the community has held up a mirror to my experiences, and this offers deep and profound shifts around the way you can feel about yourself; in particular overcoming feelings of shame around sex and sexuality.
What do you think is the impact of the stigma surrounding masturbation on people with vulvas? How do you think this affects queer people in particular?
Val: Masturbation is so important for getting to know yourself. How powerful and empowering it is to know your body, know what brings you pleasure and having the confidence to give yourself what you need and want. The impact of the stigma surrounding masturbation on people with vulvas is dangerous because it places female bodies as sexual beings for others instead of themselves. Masturbation helps you figure out what pleasure means to you and what it looks like instead of following the should and shouldn’t that we’ve been told, seen on TV or in porn.
As queer people, we get even less healthy visibility and representation of what our sexuality could look like. One of the principles I teach to my clients is to queer their sexuality (whether they identify as queer or not) as a way to challenge the hetero-mono normative standards that don’t align with their version of pleasure. One of the key elements to do that is to truly get to know yourself through masturbation to give you the knowledge, confidence and vocabulary to be able to express your needs and wants with your intimate partners.
Oli: Stigma and shame are such key blockers for our ability to experience pleasure and connect to our bodies. Unfortunately, many of us have grown up in a hetero-patriarchal society that privileges phallocentric pleasure and demonises female eroticism. When we are coming into our sexualities as teenagers, masturbation for boys was normalised, while any conversation around girls’ sexual needs was hushed at best, or shunned as deviancy from “proper behaviour”.
An entire culture has been built on the repression of female sexuality, let alone queer sexuality. A lack of comprehensive sex education is enough to create issues for the majority of people, but if you’re queer there’s a whole other layer of shame that is inherently traumatising.
What has been some of the feedback you’ve received on the event so far? What do you hope people take away from it?
Val: Someone mentioned never wanting to masturbate on their own ever again after this experience. I think that sums it up well.
Oli: The feedback was overwhelmingly positive, with people concluding the event as emotional, empowering, and energising. Despite the taboo that surrounds this topic, it feels like people are really craving a space where they can let go of the cultural scripts around their pleasure. It was important for people to enter a safe space to try new things with sensual guidance, where they could learn new self-touch techniques, all while in a community setting.
Why is it empowering to do a workshop like this in a group setting?
Val: It’s really hard to find words to translate what happens in this room. This was the most powerful, breathtaking and groundbreaking experience I had the chance to witness in my life. The energy was so potent that I felt it running in my entire body. I felt high and buzzing, and that feeling lasted for more than 24 hours. I felt very emotional, proud, powerful and connected to all these humans in this room! I feel very grateful for everybody who comes to our events. I find it incredibly brave as I know most of them feel quite nervous before coming and I’m very thankful for their trust and surrender to the space and workshop.
For me, masturbation is the ultimate act of empowerment, independence, confidence and power. In our male-dominated and heteronormative society, a woman masturbating creates the ultimate f*ck by giving herself pleasure without needing anyone else than herself, and especially not a man. Masturbating in a group is the ultimate “f*ck you” to patriarchy and capitalism which have repressed female bodies and shamed their pleasure.
Oli: I was brought to tears at the end of the first workshop simply because of the energy that was created in the room together. Alongside guiding them to learn about their genital anatomy, we invited people to gaze at their vulvas and share their experiences. Everyone had their own relationship with their genitals, but there were harmonious connections, and deep empathy for each person’s vulnerability.
Every single one of us is on a journey with our pleasure or sexualities, whether we like it or not. It’s beautiful to pause to reflect on where you are, where you have come from, and where you would like to go. This workshop can offer a chance to hear about other people’s experiences, to be grateful for the experiences we have had, and to be excited about the road ahead! That is the empowering nature of sharing a space like this.
What would you say to someone who is considering attending the Sensual Self-Touch workshop but doesn’t feel confident enough to go?
Val: To someone who feels excited/ interested in the event but at the same time feels scared or nervous, I would say that is probably a good sign that they should come. If you don’t feel ready to explore your body and your pleasure in a group setting, there are plenty of ways you can explore in your own time and own space. For example, working in a 1:1 format with a coach or taking an online course.
Oli: I think that healing will only happen as much as your body feels safe to. When we are healing from a sex-negative culture, you’ll want to make sure you are going at the pace which feels comfortable for you. Pushing your comfort zone gently and meeting your edges is where the growth happens! But recognising when that feels like too much and respecting that there will always be other opportunities and other options for growth.
And, if you don’t feel quite ready to dive in, a good starting point might be simply reflecting on your relationship with pleasure; what it’s like now, and what you’d like it to be.
Find out more about the event here:
And connect with Oli and Val here:
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