From the BBC’s new Big Gay Wedding With Tom Allen, celebrant Chloe Green talks us through making your perfect big day
BY CHLOE GREEN, IMAGES BY SIDEY CLARK
This year, 29 March will mark ten years since the UK’s first same-sex wedding and the novelty definitely hasn’t worn off yet. Queer weddings still feel incredibly momentous, and I say that as someone who goes to a lot of them. Not because I’m particularly popular, but because it’s my job.
As a celebrant, I help couples chuck dull, outdated wedding traditions in the sea. I count myself profoundly lucky – not least because I got to do this on telly recently, in the BBC’s documentary Big Gay Wedding With Tom Allen.
Tom ropes in some celeb friends to help Brighton-based ceramicist-extraordinaire couple Adam and Dan tie the knot. And while a tipsy selfie with Sophie Ellis-Bextor was a top highlight, the ceremony has got to be my favourite memory. Helping the guys create the campest, most meaningful and gloriously authentic ceremony was just delicious.
Especially when I imagine homophobes flicking past BBC1 and catching a glimpse of it!
Want to make your own wedding day feel safe, affirming and utterly you? Here are my top tips:
Your entrance
If the “one person waits at the front and the other person is given away by their dad” tradition feels right for you, crack on! But it’s not obligatory. Lots of couples enter together, or both of you can walk up the aisle alongside a special person. These options symbolise the equity you have in your relationship. If you’re bummed you won’t get the “wow!” of seeing each other for the first time, fear not. Ask your photographer to create a “first look” moment so you still get that giddy, teary moment before the ceremony starts.
Your ceremony
Your gal is biassed, but choosing a celebrant who’ll tell your love story in all its quirky, silly, magical glory is inherently queer – because it’s yours. Registrars use a template script that’s been used a jabillion times and isn’t personalised. With a celebrant, you can have a hysterically funny ceremony, something kinda nerdy, go super earnest… Whatever you like.
Your location
With a celebrant, you can hold your ceremony anywhere as opposed to just licensed venues: your favourite pub, a bookshop, your mum’s garden – wherever feels like your safe space.
Your readings
Most people have a reading in their ceremony – but this doesn’t need to be a poem. Adam and Dan had Tom Allen read the lyrics to Gloria Gaynor’s I Am What I Am, which was surprisingly moving. Choose your favourite lyrics, excerpt from a film or book or use the “interlude” to do something entirely different – have a singalong, ask a talented friend to do a performance, hire a drag artist, have your celebrant run a quiz or game of bingo… I’ve seen it all!
Your vows
Vows are the promises you make to one another, witnessed by your community. When you write your own, rather than having a registrar do the standard “repeat after me” stuff, you can make commitments that feel right to your relationship. They can be sincere, witty and injected with your in-jokes. Maybe you’ll promise to always carry a snack for when your partner gets hangry, bring them a cuppa in bed on a Saturday, or not destroy the flat with your latest DIY hobby…
Other ways to make your wedding irrevocably yours: be inspired by Dan and Adam, who wore pastel suits and gold glitter one-pieces. If you don’t care about cutting a cake, why not smash a pinãta? Bin off the all-male speech line-up and ask anyone to prepare some words who’d like to, then randomly choose on the night!
Babe, let’s be real: hopefully, you’ll only do this once. Don’t settle for a paint-by-numbers wedding that doesn’t reflect your relationship. Be brave and remember it’s just a massive party – your guests are lucky to be invited, so don’t let their expectations set the terms!
Check out Chloe’s work here: Chloe Green Celebrant
And also follow her on Instagram: chloegreencelebrant
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