“I want to read books where the fact someone is polyamorous isn’t the main conflict”
BY KIT MEREDITH, IMAGE BY GETTY IMAGES/CANVA
I’ve been a romance reader from a young age. I remember devouring my mother’s Jilly Cooper books when I was possibly too young for them. Thankfully this doesn’t seem to have had any lasting effect on me as I haven’t developed a penchant for men in jodhpurs, or for men in general. I didn’t have access to sapphic fiction, at least in part because Section 28 – the infamous anti-gay legislation put in place by the Thatcher government – wasn’t repealed until I was seventeen. Despite a lack of education, I still figured out that my attraction to women wasn’t purely platonic and once I left home for university I took full advantage of the new LGBTQIA+ section in the public library.
My love of reading and romance has stayed with me, though experiencing the real thing has changed my taste in some ways. No more so than my discovery of polyamory ten years ago.
It seems strange to me now that I didn’t come across poly sooner. The only options I saw on the gay scene in the 2000s were a) a monogamous co-dependent relationship, b) a committed relationship with the option for sex with others (only for gay men), or c) casual sex and “friends with benefits”. This was followed by gay relationships becoming more acceptable in society as long as they fit the standard heteronormative model, which includes being (at least on the surface) monogamous. No-one told me that it was possible to love and develop a deep connection with more than one partner.
It wasn’t just that polyamory was invisible in real life. TV, movies, and popular fiction rarely if ever depict committed sapphic relationships that include consensual non-monogamy. Even now, media portrayals of polyamory tend to centre cishet men – with either a male-female couple opening their relationship to include a selfless bisexual woman, or a cult-like group run by a straight man. Portrayals of queer non-monogamy tend to focus on hookup culture only.
Fictional representation tends to come from the viewpoint that polyamory is secretive and shameful, and doesn’t recognise the existence of the polyamorous community. Even modern books, to my repeated disappointment, depict lack of informed consent and are from the viewpoint of a character who is not interested in or okay with non-monogamy. Maybe the thought is that someone declaring they’re poly from the start would take too much tension away from the story?
Just like I want to read books with LGBTQIA+ protagonists where their gender and sexuality aren’t the main plot, I want to read books where the fact someone is polyamorous isn’t the main conflict. Poly relationships are diverse and complex, and trust me when I say there is plenty of opportunity within consensual non-monogamy for drama and conflict where needed to drive a story forward.
Sci-fi and fantasy books seem more open to relationship diversity. For instance, in The Murderbot Diaries there are non-judgemental references to the varied number of marital partners the human characters have. I appreciate how this is normalised, but it doesn’t fulfil my craving for some poly romance to enjoy. (The TV adaptation added an awkward developing triad which was played for laughs, though at least it centred a sapphic couple who survived the experience unscathed.)
After rediscovering my passion for creative writing, I decided to take matters into my own hands. If I couldn’t find the stories I wanted – and based on conversations online and in real life I wasn’t the only one – then I would have to create them. I decided to bridge the gap by writing polyamorous romance that could be enjoyed by non-monogamous folks like me and general sapphic romance connoisseurs who fancy reading something a bit different. I hope to play my small part in broadening the picture so that more people can find what they are looking for, both in real life and in the books they love.
Kit Meredith (they/them) is a sapphic romance writer with Bold Strokes Books and the chair of an LGBTQIA+ arts community organisation. See their website for more information and to get in touch.
Find out more about Kit here: kitmeredithauthor.wordpress.com.
Read The Poly Romance Series by Kit Meredith here.
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