“I reached a point in life where I got a better, more joyful, free, exciting, safe, richer and stimulating sex life than I had in my 20s and 30s”
BY SOFIE ROOS
So, I’m a middle-aged “older wiser sapphic” who’s past the menopause. When talking about this period of life, I hear from so many people who have the idea that it’s the end of your sex life. They believe that all the pleasurable fun will lose colour just because you’re not menstruating anymore. The desire dies, you’re unable to get wet, the sex doesn’t feel good anymore, and you can’t orgasm…
But for me, it was the opposite. I reached a point in life where I got a better, more joyful, free, exciting, safe, richer and stimulating sex life than I had in my 20s and 30s.
Going through the menopause is, of course, a big change, but it also came with something unexpected – an inner peace and calmness. It made me able to listen to my own body in a new way, and there was an honesty towards myself that wasn’t there before. I re-discovered what I actually like, not what I should be into, and the pressure of performing and worrying about expectations on me disappeared.
My relationship with my wife also got deeper. We had better conversations, we opened up more honestly about our boundaries and needs. We got more creative and responsive and we reached a much deeper emotional intimacy.
And even though my lust changed, it didn’t disappear – it just became something different.
For me, the lust became more focused. It got a bit less impulsive. Instead it became deeper, and with the help of communication, plenty of lube and patience, the intimacy actually got more honest and enjoyable.
I really want to calm every sapphic who’s worried about entering the menopause, because it’s not the end. It can actually be the beginning if you’re open to it!
It will be a transitional phase, but if you work actively with the changes and listen to your needs you’ll reach an amazing place that’s just as thriving as your sex life pre menopause.
Sofie Roos is a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, as well as author at Swedish sex and relationship magazine Passionerad.
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