“When we find a new nuance of a colour, it just enriches how we see the rainbow”
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE BY MOJO_CP/CANVA
It’s time to talk about one comment I hear far too often and find extremely tiring. I even hear it within queer circles. People claim that we have “too many sexualities these days” and ask things like “Why can’t one just be gay, lesbian, bi, or straight?”
Every time someone brings up this opinion, no matter if it’s said seriously, with a bit of irritation or even as if it is only a joke, I feel that they are hurting. Because, for me, it’s like saying that “if you don’t identify and feel belonging in any of the ‘old’ sexualities, you’re making it difficult for us, and you should just adapt”.
“All the sexualities” we have now aren’t new. We just have words to describe what people have always felt. To squeeze into a sexuality that doesn’t feel like you, and to compromise with yourself, brings a feeling of never finding yourself truly, and it makes you feel like a guest in someone else’s sexuality. Today, when we actually have a wide spectrum of sexualities to identify with, so many more people can finally feel like themselves.
Surely millions of people finally being able to feel at home within themselves means more than someone’s potential confusion for not being 100% sure of what all the labels for someone’s sexual orientation mean.
In my opinion, we need to think more about the fact that words are one of the most powerful tools we have. And let’s not forget our queer history; it’s full of them. There are so many words that once were mocked and not respected, but that we have now taken back that help us be who we are.
Let people explore new terms to describe their own identity. And when they do so, I hope others can be curious and open instead of sceptical. The change happens because we need one.
I have one last message for anyone out there who still claims we have too many sexualities. When we find a new nuance of a colour, it just enriches how we see the rainbow. It also helps us see the whole spectrum. The same is true here.
Sofie Roos is a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, as well as an author at the Swedish relationship and sex positive online magazine Passionerad.
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