“I, like many trans and non-binary people, am used to grief because we lose so much: friendships, careers, and now, even our place in society. But, while grief is seen as a bad thing, it’s actually the reverse; it’s the great healer, the resetter of life, the great enabler”
BY BOBBI PICKARD
I am, as far too few people care, a musician and singer and have spent the last 50 years making the wrong decisions. This has led to a catastrophically awful career and having the universe shake its head and turn disinterestedly away when real opportunities to become a global superstar might have occured.
The universe seems to have the same opinion as Poppy – my ever-present (and cute) Cavapoo – who gives out a disparaging sigh reminiscent of a teenage boy seeing his mum disco dancing whenever I reach for my guitar and start singing.
Playing and singing are the things I love doing most. And yet, as I head to the wrong end of my 50s, they are both things that I can see the end of, and deeply feel the loss of. My voice is losing its edge and range, finger surgery and stiffness mean I can’t play like I used to.
We will eventually lose everything we love and cherish. The grief of this unavoidable truth of life is so hard.
2026 will mark the 25th year of my trans awareness work. I keep thinking I should celebrate it somehow. But after the UK Supreme Court ruling back in April, I felt like it had all been wasted work and effort. I grieved the decision, the loss of rights and the destruction of the progress we’d made.
I, like many trans and non-binary people, am used to grief because we lose so much: friendships, careers, and now, even our place in society. But, while grief is seen as a bad thing, it’s actually the reverse; it’s the great healer, the resetter of life, the great enabler.
Once we embrace it we unleash the next step forward, the new momentum, we break through the clouds to the stars to set our new navigation by. It is the process by which we are made stronger, the way we resolve to succeed despite everything.
Whatever the loss and grief, I’ll continue fighting for trans and non-binary people. No matter how hard it gets, I’ll keep playing and singing, much to a small puppy’s dismay.
Grief is the price we pay for love and doing the things that matter and we love. Seems a pretty good deal to me.
Love media made by and for LGBTQIA+ women and gender diverse people? Then you’ll love DIVA. We’ve been spotlighting the community for over 30 years. Here’s how you can get behind queer media and keep us going for another generation: linkin.bio/ig-divamagazine
Did you know that DIVA has now become a charity? Our magazine is published by the DIVA Charitable Trust. You can find out more about the organisation and how you can offer your support here: divacharitabletrust.com