There’s a lot to get into here, so lez dive in…
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE VIA CANVA
How can we stop faking our orgasms? Here’s a guide for every sapphic wanting to stop faking their climax to instead reach all the way for real.
I’m Sofie Roos, a Swedish based sexologist and relationship therapist, as well as author for the relationship and sex positive online magazine Passionerad. And this is my sexpert advice…
Define why you are faking them
Are you doing it because you can’t communicate your needs to your partner? Because you don’t know what stimulation makes you orgasm? Is it that your partner is selfish in bed? Or is it because you think that an orgasm defines good sex and you don’t want to make them sad?
Most of the time, it’s a combination of not being able to communicate your needs to your partner, and not really knowing what kind of stimulation from a partner makes you orgasm. This leads us to step two…
Find ways to climax on your own
If you want to stop faking your orgasms and reach all the way for real, you must get to know your climax and what kind of stimulation makes you cum. So invest time and energy into masturbation and try different ways of touching yourself until you find out what you love.
It might be a specific finger technique, using a sex toy in a special way, or a certain sex position. Whatever it is – if you know, the chances of your partner being able to make you orgasm get much greater.
Guide your partner on how to make you cum
From there, guide your partner before and during sex. Tell them what kind of stimulation you like, how they should stimulate you, give real-time guidance such as “faster”, “slower” or “harder”. You should also let them know what they did well and what they can change next time to make it feel more pleasurable for you.
Try new things together
You might not have found what works for you during sex, but that doesn’t mean you won’t find it, so be curious together and discover new types of stimulation. Don’t forget to communicate during the ride and try to make each other understand what feels good and not.
Change your mindset around orgasming
Sometimes, feeling pressure around needing to orgasm for the sex to be good makes it tricky for us to reach all the way.
Instead of viewing an orgasm as an essential thing in order for the sex to be good, let go of everything and just enjoy yourself and your partner. Embrace doing it in a way where climaxing isn’t the end goal but a bonus!
Many times, it can also feel better and make a lot of the anxiety and pressure go away if you let your partner in by telling them how you feel, and that you’ve faked your orgasms because you’re worried they will feel bad if you don’t reach all the way.
It can be very hard to say, but if you do, you’ll be able to rebuild a much stronger and better sex life where your pleasure is in focus for real this time.
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