For Bi Awareness Week we asked a bisexual licensed sexologist for her sexpert insights…
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE BY RDNE STOCK PROJECT/PEXELS
If you’re a bisexual woman who is about to embark on sapphic sex for the first time, you probably have a lot of questions. It’s likely you might be feeling both nervous and excited. Well, I’m Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, as well as writer for Passionerad – a Swedish relationship and sex positive online magazine, and here are my top tips for bisexuals new to getting intimate with fellow sapphics…
Do just what you’re interested in
There’s no rights and wrongs, or any “must do’s” during sapphic sex. Explore each other’s bodies in any way that feels comfortable, and let it take time. If “only” kissing or “just” cuddling the first time feel good to you, then that’s fully okay!
How to know what to do?
Are you unsure about what you can do during sapphic sex, and what she will be into? There’s really no need to worry, because you will find out by the two of you testing your ways to what feels good and natural, and what doesn’t. Remember: Not all sapphics like the same thing, so communicate around what you’d like to do!
Sapphic sex is generally slower
Kicking things off with a piece of general advice: take things slower. Sapphics generally need more time to get turned on and to build up the orgasm – so don’t rush anything. Put in time and effort into every “step” of the sex!
Lube is awesome
It makes sex more pleasurable, no matter if you’re using a sex toy, your hands, mouth or a strap on. Just make sure it’s water based if you’re using anything with rubber!
Be soft with your fingers and trim your nails
Your fingers can take her to another galaxy of pleasure. For beginners to fingering, I recommend going very slowly, to use big movements, try different patterns, pressure and tempo, and to be extremely soft. Also, trimming down those nails doesn’t hurt – at least on your index and middle finger of your dominant hand!
If giving oral, vary how you eat her out
There are so many different ways to eat the V so don’t get stuck in just using your tongue on the clit in one pattern. Try different pressure, pace, movements and angles. Also use your tongue to penetrate the vagina, or around the opening! (Adding in a bit of fingering as well doesn’t hurt!).
You might be asking: is oral a must? The answer is no. For many, having oral is a very intimate type of sex that takes a long time to feel comfortable with, and you feeling that way is completely valid and your partner will understand. So if it doesn’t feel comfortable, then save that until it does!
Do also read: 101: A sapphic guide to getting better at going down on your partner
Use protection
A common misconception is that STIs are not a risk during sapphic sex, but that’s unfortunately not the case, so make sure you’ve had a conversation about your sexual health testing statuses and be sure to use any appropiate protection.
How does it feel and what can one expect?
Sapphic sex is, for many, a completely new experience, even if it, for some, isn’t too different from their previous sexual encounters. While sapphics are not a monolith and all enjoy different types of sex, to generalise, it takes longer and is softer, but also feels different physically.
Listen to yourself and to your partner, and do what feels great. Remember that it can feel as odd and new as it can feel as natural and amazing – sometimes at the same time – and that is completely fine.
Be sure to prioritise aftercare
When you feel satisfied, take care of each other by giving emotional and physical closeness. Cuddle, watch a movie, take a shower, go for a walk, talk about how you found the sex or eat something together to get a nice ending.
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