Author Emily Sayre Smith discusses why we need to carry on coming out with kindness
BY EMILY SAYRE SMITH
What is coming out in Trump’s America? I think the question is all wrong because this isn’t Trump’s America. This is our America.
In the 80s we were a bit more radical because we were busting out of the closet. Some of our bravado was for the public, but I think a lot of it was for us. It’s not easy to say “I’m gay” in a world where being you is illegal in 23 states and various foreign countries. Then we had the AIDS crisis and the fear of the “gay plague”. We marched, protested, and stopped traffic on 5th Avenue because we were fighting for our lives, but I think the daily life I led probably did more for the cause than any political rally.
Harvey Milk was right when he told everyone in the 80s to come out, that it was important, that people needed to know that they already knew, liked, and loved a gay person. I don’t lead my interactions with “Hi, I’m gay”. People may make certain assumptions about me because of my short hair and manner of dress, but my being gay is NOT the first flavour; it’s the aftertaste. “You know that girl who helped me with the trash cans and the tree limbs during the big storm. Did you know she’s gay?” That to me is coming out. One by one. Interaction by interaction. I take coming out one person at a time.
Donald Trump as the evil wizard behind the curtain, breathing fire and belching smoke, in an effort to create a political wedge issue of the gay community, hasn’t really worked. He’s sowing fear to benefit himself and the Republican Party. Regan and his political machine did it before him, the Bush’s, and now Trump. Don’t fall for it because if you think other people hate you for being gay, you either lead with (possibly unconscious) anger and fear or go back in the closet. Either choice is destructive to you and your community. Lead with love. Show the world a little kindness. It does take courage.
The gay community is happy and healthy, living good and productive lives, supported by the majority of the American people. Most Americans support gay marriage and our right to live and love who we choose. The Declaration of Independence says… “all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” Now isn’t that a kicker.
EMILY SAYRE SMITH grew up in Texas and Arizona, spent two years in London, worked as a dancer wandering around the US for a few years, settled in NYC for sixteen years, and has been in LA for twenty. She currently lives in Palm Springs, CA. Hers has been a strange and wandering career path, starting life as a classically trained ballet dancer, then gym owner, construction manager, and now author. She took a gun out of her mouth in April of 1998 and went to an AA meeting. It stuck, so she’s here. “I can’t tell you how liberating it is not to kill yourself.”
Emily stumbled back into writing in one day’s desperate attempt to put off cleaning house. She hates cleaning house but has rediscovered a love of writing. “I’ve been writing in my head my whole life. I just didn’t realise what I was doing.”
Smartass: Memoir Of A Mouthy Girl is her first book. She’s halfway through the follow-up to Smartass, which as yet is untitled. Sober twenty-six years . . . it took a village and some good therapy. She really needs a housekeeper, but is afraid to break the spell. Find out more about Emily here.
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