Here’s everything you need to know about what “aftercare” is, why people care about it and how it can improve your relationship
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE BY RDNE STOCK PROJECT/PEXELS
Are you a fellow sapphic? Are you and your partner good at taking care of each other after having sex? If you’d like to get better at it, as well as understand why it’s so important, then this article is for you.
I’m Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author at Passionerad – a Swedish magazine about sex, intimacy and relationships, and in this article, I will guide you through how to have better aftercare when it comes to your sex lives.
What is “sex aftercare”?
It’s when you take care of one another, as well as yourselves, after having sex – both emotionally and physically.
It’s about giving physical and emotional closeness, affirmation and safety to make your partner feel seen, loved and cared for. It’s also about feeling how you are doing within yourself, and trying to meet your own needs.
Why bother with it?
There are mainly three upsides to having sex after care:
It gives emotional safety
Many people feel extra vulnerable after sex – you have opened up and given much of yourself, and by having aftercare, you prevent feelings of loneliness and insecurity.
It helps to recover mentally and physically
You’re often exhausted and drained after sex, and a little extra lovin’ from your partner can make you recover and fill up your energy better.
It’s a beautiful moment together
Aftercare is a very intimate and lovely moment to share. You will feel extra emotionally connected and relaxed in each other’s presence.
Sex aftercare can vary depending on mood and what kind of sex you’ve been having. If you have tried something new, or just had a more advanced form of sex, you likely need more aftercare than if going for a quickie.
How can we implement it in our sex life?
There are plenty of things that can feel nice to be done after sex, and you need to find something that fits you both. It often comes quite naturally, but you can also talk with your partner about what they need after you’ve been intimate – and remember that it might differ from time to time.
I have some on-hand examples of what you can do, in case you need some inspiration:
- Cuddle up: Lie in the bed, listen to each other’s breathing and enjoy the feeling of resting when being relaxed and exhausted.
- Give verbal affirmation: Compliment your partner and make them feel seen and loved by using your words. You can, for example, say something positive about the sex, or about their body!
- Talk about the sex: To talk about the experience is extra important if you have tried something new. Ask how your partner feels.
- Do something together: Watch a movie, go for a walk, take a shower, have a snack, a drink or play video games. To do something together is a nice way of slowly leaving the sex and transforming into your everyday roles.
- Take a nap: Sex and orgasms can make us tired, so if there’s time for it, then take a nap!
Some need space for themselves after sex, so talk about what you need and can do for each other.
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