This is what I wish I had been told beforehand…
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE BY KETUT SUBIYANTO/PEXELS
Thrust me, there are plenty of things about sapphic sex that people don’t tell you about that are great to know before getting into bed with another sapphic for the first time, both to make it more enjoyable and safe.
I’m Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, as well as author for Passionerad – a Swedish based relationship and sex positive online magazine. I’m here to share any newbies out there all the advice that I wish I had been given.
Something weird or uncomfortable will happen
Sex is not like in the movies – something will happen that might not be the sexiest moment ever, and when that comes, try to have an easygoing approach to it. Laugh it off and, if you want to continue, just move on.
Your wrists and tongue will get tired
Yep, when fingering or going down on someone, you get tired after some time, often quite quickly when being new to it. Some push through the cramp, and others take a rest – whatever you do, that’s fully okay.
You may get a bit red on your upper lip
When going down on someone with a vagina, it’s easy to get a little irritation of red on your upper lip from their pubic hair, especially if they have recently shaved. If they let it grow out, it will tickle your nose instead.
Pro tip: Try trimming instead of shaving if you want to minimise the risk of getting that red upper lip.
You don’t have to like oral
A common misconception is that all sapphics enjoy oral – but that’s not the truth. There are many fellow sapphics out there that don’t like to receive and/or give oral, which is fine, because there’s so many other pleasurable things you can do instead. So if you don’t like oral, or don’t feel comfortable with it yet, then let your partner know.
Remember to breathe when going down on your partner
If you do like to go down on your partner, remember to breathe – it should not be like a dive where you need to hold your breath. You don’t want to literally drown in pussy!
It gets wet
Many times, it gets very wet, much wetter than you think, so don’t think about that as something abnormal, but see it as a sign that you’re having a great time. Having some paper towels or a towel nearby is something I strongly recommend.
Communication is so important (even if you both have a vulva)
It’s easy to believe that your partner will enjoy the same things as you do, because hey, you have the same body parts, but that’s not always the case. So, be curious and ask them what they like and don’t forget to tell them what feels good for you.
Good communication around your preferences and boundaries is key to having great sapphic sex – so try to ask for what you want and give what they wish for, which is not always the same thing!
Pro tip: It often feels as if you’re a bit more prepared if you have discovered your own body and your preferences on your own before being with someone else. That makes you able to guide your partner.
It’s okay to not know what the heck you’re doing
You can’t be a sex god from the beginning – everyone starts from scratch! So don’t feel bad or ashamed if you don’t really know what you’re doing, but instead see it as a charming part of it all.
You should be cutting those nails
It’s very likely that you end up fingering your partner, and doing that with long and sharp nails will not be a hit, so make sure to cut them down just in case it gets heated up between you.
Pro tip: You don’t need to cut all your finger nails, just the two dominant fingers on your dominant hand will often do it.
STIs do still spread through finger and oral sex
You can still spread STIs between you, even if “just” using your fingers or are going down on each other, so make sure to use a dental dam if you are unsure of your partner’s STI status.
Orgasm isn’t the goal
Sure, having an orgasm is amazing. But getting or not getting a climax doesn’t define if the sex was good or not, so instead focus on being in the moment and take any eventual orgasm as a big bonus!
Give the whole body love
Sapphic sex is so much more than just oral sex, fingering, clitoris stimulation, kissing, strapping and pegging.
So touch, lick, suck and kiss on all of the body’s erogenous zones and be curious and give love to more than just the vulva. That will make the sex more interesting, and you’ll have a more joyful time, I promise!
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