We asked a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist to share her sage advice for sapphics ahead of their first times
BY SOFIE ROOS, IMAGE BY YAN KRUKAU
New to sapphic sex? Well, good on you, because you’re about to explore a whole world of pleasure!
I’m Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author at the Swedish relationship magazine Passionerad. I’m also bisexual myself and living with a woman, and I remember how nervous I felt about getting intimate with a queer woman for the first time, so that’s why I have put together this beginners guide with a few tips to make you feel a bit more prepared.
Take things slowly
Don’t rush anything! People with vulvas tend to “burn slow” in comparison to those without who fire up like a sparkler and cool off just as quickly. So try to give time to each moment of the intercourse. Kiss, tease, let it take time until you take the clothes off, and explore other parts of the body before moving to the vulva. Build up that sexual tension between you.
Remember: Taking things slowly also means at your end, so never do anything you’re not comfortable with – you’ve got a lifetime on you to explore your sexual preferences!
Involve all the erogenous zones
Sapphic sex is so much more than just stimulating the vulva. Give pleasure to the nipples and breasts. To the butt. Caress the thighs, or lick the ass or the ears! By involving other sensitive parts of the body, you can build up the pleasure and make it a more full-bodied experience!
Further reading: Erogenous zones to explore during sapphic sex.
Communicate and give compliments
When fingering or eating your partner out, ask if they like it like that, or if they prefer you to change anything. Also be responsive to their body language, which you will get better at over time. Following the moans generally offers a guide for if you’re going in the right direction or not.
Remember, no one expects you to be able to read their minds or know what your partner likes from the start. There’s no shame in saying, “Babe, how do you like to get your clit simulated?”. Getting a question like that is just so hot, because there’s nothing sexier than a partner who cares for your pleasure!
Also, don’t forget to compliment your partner. A simple “You’re so sexy” or “This feels so good” creates a sexy atmosphere!
Pro tip: If you’re nervous or don’t know where to start, tell your partner that! Communicating your feelings during sex is the magic formula to make it a hundred times better for both of you.
Try different ways of eating the V
There are plenty of ways to eat someone out, and by trying different techniques, you will quickly understand what your partner likes and what they don’t care for that much.
Want to learn more about performing great oral sex? Read my other guide here.
Sex toys make it funnier
Don’t be afraid of bringing sex toys into bed. It doesn’t have to be a strap-on or handcuffs the first time, but a small bullet vibrator or a tiny dildo can make a big difference, and make the sex more dynamic.
Feel sexy
Make sure to shower off to feel clean and in the mood. Put on clothes as well as underwear that make you feel hot. Brushing your teeth just before also makes a big difference in how easy it is to let loose and enjoy yourself during the ride. So prepare to be the hottest version of yourself. Because when you feel sexy, you get more confidence.
Go with the flow
Are you overthinking about what powerdynamic you’ll have during the sex, what positions you’ll get into, or if any of you will climax?
Let go of those thoughts – just let the moment and the dynamic between you take you wherever feels great! You can’t plan a sex session in detail, and you shouldn’t try doing that either, because then you will have a very hard time relaxing and being in the moment!
Protect yourself
Despite some myths, sapphic sex doesn’t mean that you don’t need to think about protection. You can still get, or transmit, STIs, so use dental dams and talk about your STI status before removing them.
What positions can we do?
Missionary, doggystyle, spooning or the 69ing are all great for fingering as well as for oral. Also, play around with different angles by using pillows or putting your legs in new ways.
Lube makes everything better
Last but not least – get yourself some lube. It makes everything better, whether that’s fingering, oral, strapping, pegging or massaging.
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