Keep reading for expert advice from a licensed sexologist…
BY SOFIE ROOS
Sex is a big part of many people’s relationships. While people of all sexualities and genders can experience long distance dating, it’s very common among LGBTQIA+ women and non-binary people. And when in one, it can be tricky to keep the intimacy hot and interesting.
However, we’re actually in luck, because it’s never been easier than today to keep the sexual spark alive, and the intimacy exciting, even when being far away from each other.
I’m Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author for the Swedish relationship magazine Passionerad. I’m also bisexual who is living with a woman, and I have many aces up my sleeve when it comes to maintaining, and even evolving, the sex life in a long distance relationship (LDR).
Try sexting or camming
Send your partner that message saying that you’ve been thinking about them all day long followed by what you’d like to do with them, or send that naughty picture of yourself saying that you’re horny.
Video chatting while masturbating (having phone sex if that feels more comfortable) is also a great way of getting intimate in a LDR.
To get intimate via text, over the phone or on video is many times as hot as actually having physical sex, because it gets your imagination going and you often open up more.
Don’t miss out on talking about what you’d like to do in bed when finally meeting up, something that can help you discover new things that couples who live together might never will because they don’t have the natural need of talking about sex as you have since the talking is one of a few ways for you to get intimate!
Invest in two remotely controlled sex toys
There are plenty of great toys for sapphics out there that can be controlled remotely via an app that uses WiFi. These toys are mainly vibrators for people with vulvas, and automatic sleeves for trans women with penises!
Preferably start by having some foreplay by texting and sending images, followed by controlling the sex toys on each other while video calling or doing a normal phone call.
This is the closest way to having sex in person, and if you do it right and really get into the mood, it can almost feel like you’re actually in bed together.
Top tip: To make it feel as great as it possibly can, try to have shared aftercare together when the session is over.
Let the other one know when you’re horny, and that you’re thinking of them
If you don’t communicate when you’re in the mood with your partner, then they tend to miss out on it, because how would they know?
So make sure to send them that text message saying that you’re horny because otherwise you will most likely never sync and end up not doing sexual things together so often.
Talk about what to do when meeting again
To share sexual fantasies with your partner, try making a sex list in a shared notes file with things you’d like to try together when meeting again.
These are all things that help to keep your sex life alive while in a LDR, but don’t forget about the emotional part…
Staying connected while being long distances apart is about more than only the sex – it’s also a lot about everything happening outside of the bedsheets, so I would also like to give some advice on how to stay emotionally connected.
This can be done by:
- Doing relationship check-ins where, once every week, you ask your partner how they are doing, and if there’s anything in particular they need from you! This makes it easier to not miss out on each other’s needs.
- Have a tradition (cooking, watching a movie, etc.), something that keeps everyday intimacy alive. This is mostly about keeping and sharing small everyday moments together, which will close the distance!
- Communicate often even if it’s just a message saying “Hey, I love you”. By staying in touch a lot during the times apart from each other, you still are a big part of each other’s lives throughout the days!
Remember that the distance can make your sex life bloom better than ever, but also let you come close to your partner. This is, at least, as long as you keep communicating, investing time and energy, as well as getting a bit creative together!
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