DIVA investigates the root problem at the heart of the controversy
BY DIVA STAFF, IMAGE BY BASEIMAGE
If you’ve managed to avoid the discourse around Jojo Siwa/FLETCHER/Billie Eilish’s latest relationships, well done. All three singers have recently hard-launched their new partners – cute, right? Not according to some people on the internet.
And just like that, Pride Month has been kicked off with a raging debate about bisexual women… again. Despite the fact that both FLETCHER and Jojo identify as queer (and Billie has never labelled herself), some people on the internet have been quick to claim that these new relationships make the stars “straight”.
There are plenty of nuanced debates about these new relationships, but a common idea spread through a lot of them is the stereotyped notion that bisexual women are stripped of their queerness when dating someone of the opposite gender.
We know this is not true. Not only is this not true, but it’s actively contributing to bi erasure.
What is bi erasure?
Bi erasure refers to the ways in which the existence or legitimacy of bisexuality is denied or diminished. It happens in everyday conversation, in the ways relationships are labelled, in pop culture, and even in history books – where bisexual figures are often rewritten as gay or straight, depending on their partner at the time.
Bi erasure stretches far beyond personal encounters. Consider historical figures like Virginia Woolf or Freddie Mercury — both of whom had relationships across genders, but are often remembered solely as gay or straight.
The result? Bisexual people frequently find themselves invisible – both in the broader world and in the very LGBTQIA+ communities they belong to.
Why does bi erasure matter?
So many people in our community face erasure. We must fight the erasure of the entire community, and that includes bisexuals. Simply put: bisexual people are allowed to experience the entirety of their identity without having to conform to strict boundaries put on labels!
Bisexual people make up a large portion of our community – in the UK alone, 1.3% of the population identify as bisexual. That’s a lot of people to erase! With more and more hostile conversations about bisexuality entering queer discourse, it can shut bisexual people out. Alongside making them feel like they don’t belong, it can also impact the way they access LGBTQIA+–specific services for support with mental health, homelessness, domestic abuse, addiction and more.
While the internet may lead you to believe that bisexual people are just sitting, whining about not being able to bring their boyfriends to Pride, the reality of bisexuals’ lived experience is vastly different. According to SafeLives, bisexual women are three times more likely to experience domestic abuse than heterosexual women, and 50% more likely than lesbians. LGBT Consortium found that most bi+ organisations are run by unpaid volunteers, pulling things together with little to no money. In the report Hard Done Bi, half of all bi respondents surveyed had at least one mental health condition.
But sure, the main problem is FLETCHER releasing a song about liking a boy…
How can we stop erasing bisexuals?
Firstly, we can stop spending hours making TikTok rants about queer celebrities dating people of different genders. At the end of the day, who a queer person dates is up to them.
Jojo Siwa, FLETCHER and Billie are all still queer. Whether they’re dating a boy or not does not detract from the fact that Billie sings about going down on women, Jojo spends half her time on stage dry-humping girls and FLETCHER is here to make you forget about your toxic ex-girlfriend. All of these things are still true.
These internet discourses can get fiery and unproductively angry quickly. When you only allow bisexual people to defend themselves about a small part of the bi experience, you don’t allow space to learn. Give bisexual creators, activists and organisations more of your time. Let them speak to you about the many facets of bisexual identity. Educate yourself on your own biases.
Learn your history! You might not even be celebrating the Pride Month you claim is ruined by FLETCHER’s new song without the bisexual “Mother Of Pride” Brenda Howard.
We are in really scary times for LGBTQIA+ rights now. We need to stop fighting each other. Stop obsessing over celebrities’ love lives and pick up the placard. Your bisexual siblings need you. We all need each other.
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