Deb Mills-Burns reflects on a decade of triumph and love
BY DEB MILLS-BURNS
Ten years ago, I was featured in the book Britain’s Toughest Women and profiled in DIVA Magazine (July 2015,) as a woman defined by resilience and strength. My journey was one of physical endurance and unwavering determination, traits that shaped my identity at the time. Yet, a decade later, my life has transformed in ways I never anticipated, revealing that true strength also lies in vulnerability, love, and embracing the roles that make us whole.
Over the past decade, I have gone from being recognised for my toughness to embracing the softer, equally powerful roles of a writer, poet, wife and mother. Today, I am a published author and spoken word poet, channelling my experiences into creative expressions that uplift and connect. My words, once used to push through physical barriers, now serve as bridges between stories, emotions and the lived experiences of our LGBTQIA+ community.
One of the most beautiful and defining moments of this transformation was meeting my wife, Jemma. Falling in love and building a life together has been a 20-year journey so far of immense joy at times and also sadness, as we lost Jem’s mum and dad within the space of six months when their adored grandson Jacob was just six months old. Love, in its truest form, has the power to get you through the hardest times, and with Jemma, I found a love that celebrates every part of who I am.
Together, we embarked on the journey of parenthood, welcoming our two incredible sons, Jacob, now five, and our newest addition, Coby, just three months old. Both conceived through IVF, their arrival was a testament to the power of persistence, hope and the unwavering belief in family. The road to motherhood was not always easy, but every challenge along the way only strengthened our bond and deepened our appreciation for the family we have created.
Motherhood is a crash course in patience, creativity and accepting that you will never, ever drink a hot cup of tea again. It’s also the most rewarding and heart-expanding experience of my life. Strength, I have realised, isn’t just about endurance or pushing through pain. It’s in the small, quiet moments, like watching my sons sleep, feeling their tiny fingers wrap around mine, and knowing that everything I fought for brought me here.
Throughout this journey, one thing has remained constant: the importance of authenticity and visibility. Representation matters. Seeing families like ours in the media, in stories and in the world, helps others know that love in all its forms is valid and beautiful. Platforms like DIVA Magazine have championed our community for years, and I’m beyond grateful to be part of that conversation again.
So, what do I want you to take from this? That life is unpredictable, love is worth the risk, and that strength doesn’t always look the way you expect it to. Sometimes, it’s lifting weights in the gym. Sometimes, it’s carrying a sleeping child up the stairs without waking them. And sometimes, it’s just getting through the day with your sanity (mostly) intact.
A decade ago, I was one of Britain’s toughest women. Today, I’m still tough, but in a way that matters more than I ever imagined. And honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.
To those in our community who may be questioning their path, facing obstacles, or wondering if their dreams are possible, I want to say this: Believe in yourself. Love without fear. Know that no challenge is too great, and no dream is too far out of reach.
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