An ambassador from Just Like Us explains why we need to support and amplify the voices of our non-binary siblings
BY SCOUT DRAGON, IMAGE BY ANDREW AB PHOTOGRAPHY
When I tell people I am trans, they immediately try to figure out “which way”.
As a non-binary and genderfluid person, I have spent years grappling with feelings of being “not trans enough”, often dismissed as either an attention-seeking woman or a trans man in denial. The idea that trans people must move decisively between two ends of the gender spectrum is pervasive. These assumptions are perpetuated even within trans spaces, where I should feel the safest, the most included. Instead, binary narratives around gender still seem to dominate.
When I hear messaging suggesting that “real” trans people must move decisively from male to female or female to male, it’s not only invalidating; it feels erasing. It implies that fluid, non-binary, or genderqueer identities are lesser, or perhaps just transitional phases, instead of legitimate experiences of gender. This is deeply painful. It’s as though we are asked to meet standards of “transness” that don’t account for the full range of human identity. And while these expectations certainly harm those of us who identify as non-binary, they ultimately harm us all.
I believe most trans people have encountered some expectation to “prove” their identity. This pressure is compounded for those of us who fall outside binary definitions, as we face expectations not only from the wider world but also within trans spaces. If we’re pressured to conform to a binary that doesn’t reflect who we truly are, we’re left questioning the inclusivity of the spaces meant to support us. The idea of a “correct” way to be trans still lingers, and it constricts rather than celebrates our identities, weakening the very strength we derive from our diversity.
A saying goes: “A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.” While I don’t want to portray identities like mine as any kind of weakness, our sense of security and safety can certainly be weakened if we aren’t supported. If we want to fight for LGBTQIA rights, we need to fight for all identities —not just those that fit neatly into preconceived notions.
Visibility is essential, not just for acceptance but for survival. Without it, non-binary individuals are often misunderstood and left on the margins of a society that largely ignores our existence. True visibility means educating others about the rich diversity of trans experiences and advocating for spaces where we need not justify our identities or simplify them for convenience.
For me, being visible as a non-binary person in trans spaces isn’t about seeking attention; it’s about asserting my right to exist. The absence of non-binary role models and narratives within these spaces relegates us to the status of secondary characters in our own community. Real representation includes the full spectrum of gender identities.
As a young person, I’ve often been told that my identity is just a phase and that I will eventually choose to use either she/her or he/him pronouns. Having a senior lecturer at my university who unapologetically uses they/them pronouns has made a real impact, showing that visibility matters for those of us who often feel erased. Unfortunately, this is a very rare occurrence that most won’t witness.
Growing up in Germany, where language is highly gendered, I looked forward to the linguistic freedom I thought I’d find in the UK. I anticipated a culture that might be more adaptable to non-binary identities. However, I quickly realised that many people choose to interpret my identity on their own rather than asking me directly. I go by they/he pronouns, yet people often take this as permission to just use “he,” as though it’s somehow easier to see me as a man than simply as a person. I exist as I am, and that’s enough. I’ve learned four languages from scratch, including English; I think it’s fair to ask people to learn that one pronoun.
If we can’t find acceptance within our own community, where can we find it?
We must celebrate the trans community by creating a space where all trans identities, binary and non-binary, are equally valued and respected. There is no reason for this community to replicate the very structures that limit us in a presumed heteronormative and cisnormative society. In a world that demands rigid definitions, being non-binary is an act of defiance and authenticity.
Scout is an ambassador for Just Like Us, the LGBT+ young people’s charity. Just Like Us needs LGBT+ ambassadors aged 18-25 to speak in schools – sign up now.
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