An ambassador from Just Like Us talks about the power of community and visibility this Asexual Awareness Week
BY SARAH SHARP, IMAGE BY BASEIMAGE
Finding a person who understands you on a fundamental level is a wonderful thing. Finding a whole enchanting community of people who do so is more than I ever could have imagined. And I want to celebrate my asexual community all year round.
I came across the term asexual for the first time in 2019. I cannot remember quite how, but I will never forget the instant feeling of recognition that came over me and all the emotions that came after. I had always felt different. During my teenage years, I never had crushes and felt left out at school or in social situations when the conversation inevitably turned to boys and relationships. Learning about asexuality was what allowed me to finally make sense of it all.
It took a lot of self-discovery after simply learning the word, but five years later, I have found so much joy in my asexuality: from the big things, such as socialising in ace spaces and groups, to smaller forms of joy when I find a new pin in the ace colours. As someone with a chronic condition, I also smile when I find new ways of merging two of my identities (asexual and disabled); I proudly hang my ace flag up in my hospital room when I’m admitted, I once even found a rainbow pill box in a charity shop! It seems so simple, but finding ways to express my pride in my identities really lifts me up.
But finding ways to celebrate myself and my community doesn’t stop there. Being in supportive environments, around affirming people, has been shown to improve LGBTQIA people’s mental health and wellbeing. Now, due to the increasing understanding and visibility of asexuality, more people than ever are identifying with this label and using it to find community. The 2021 England and Wales Census found that 28,000 people in the UK identify as asexual, although the true figure is expected to be even higher.
When I first set out to meet other ace folks in person back in 2022, I was, at the same time, on the search for a book club to join. Because the asexual social scene had really begun to pick up in and around London, I was able to consider my interests and hobbies when finding other asexual people to socialise with (I’m sure even a couple of years prior I would have struggled to find anything at all!)
To my astonishment, I found an ace book club, and in time for its first ever meeting, too. This wonderful – and ever-expanding – group of people has introduced me to so much representation that has made me feel incredibly seen. They have also provided the space for self-exploration and discussion that I needed, and am so grateful for. I found that even being in the same space as other people like me made me physically relax, and finding comfort in my own skin.
I have since met many asexual people. Spotting ace flags at Pride events, seeing someone wear a black ring or ace pin “in the wild”, and purposely going to ace spaces have all sparked conversations and created those instant connection moments with others, making me feel less alone.
I think one of the most joyous things to see in the LGBTQIA community is diversity. Asexuality itself provides a different, new view of the world. We are challenging aspects of society that have long gone unquestioned. Having asexual people feeling able to be themselves and speak out will surely bring social change that will help not only those with the identity, but everyone.
Ace Week is an incredible time to highlight the value asexual people add to the LGBTQIA community, and the wider world. But as we become more visible, I hope that we will be included, and celebrated, all year long.
Sarah is an ambassador for Just Like Us, the LGBT+ young people’s charity. Just Like Us needs LGBT+ ambassadors aged 18-25 to speak in schools – sign up now.
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