Dr Hannah Phillips talks about the powerful stories she learnt by making her show The Queer Motherhood Project
BY DR HANNAH PHILLIPS, IMAGES BY RACHEL JONES AND NEVAEH GRAVER
The Queer Motherhood Project is a new musical theatre show which aims to give radical visibility to the lived experience of queer-identifying mothers. I decided to start the project after writing a community article for DIVA in July 2023 which highlighted the experiences of queer motherhood in the light of the Italian government removing non-biological lesbian mothers from their children’s birth certificates. We sent out a survey to the queer motherhood universe and conducted video interviews with those that requested them.
I didn’t expect so many queer-identifying mothers would want to tell their stories. I didn’t expect that so many queer mothers were either living their best lives or having a very difficult time which included those battling with the Italian government, fighting legislation for their maternity rights or being alienated from their children. I didn’t expect to stumble across so many different family arrangements. I didn’t expect to hear from a wonderful trans woman whose kids still call them “dad” because they tragically lost their wife and mother to cancer when the children were in their early teens. I didn’t expect a fabulous woman to get on a plane from Scotland to Birmingham to share her story with us about deciding to be a surrogate for gay men who wanted a family in a pay-it-forward expression as she and her partner had received donor sperm to make their queer family. I didn’t expect to hear from so many women living in the 1970s and 1980s about having children in heterosexual relationships because “that’s just what you did” or to hear from those who regretted not having children, a decision made because they didn’t really know how to go about it.
During this time of research and making the show, I didn’t expect to be going through a divorce process myself and for it to feel so raw and as if I were standing in the midst of a storm, rather than reflecting on my own experience. I didn’t expect to meet so many other queer mothers that were also divorced. Finally, we see ourselves, our relationships and our families represented in the media and drama, but we don’t see queer families breaking up, what happens next? There are no role models in everyday life, this is new ground. I didn’t expect to meet queer icon, writer and psychotherapist, Dr Stella Duffy who rightly challenged me to think about and hold space in the work for queer childlessness. Stella made a beautiful moving video for the live show around her experiences of infertility due to her cancer treatment. I am infertile but I have two sons, so my experience is different. I have two children, and that is a privilege. Stella has a long-term partner; they are a queer family as are others I interviewed who are childless (not by choice) or childfree.
This project and this period of time have completely shifted my thinking about queerly raising humans and creatively making our families. Why are we so often trying to replicate heteronormative family-making? In reality, only 36% of families are nuclear, families come in all shapes and sizes. Last week, I chatted with a heterosexual woman who happily chose to make a family via IVF with her gay male friend. To quote lyrics from the show, “We can be the change if we are bold and we are brave, authentic and strong, imagine beyond…”
The Queer Motherhood Project is next on at The Kings Head Theatre, London on Sunday 10 November at 8 pm. You can get your tickets here.
Bio
Dr Hannah Phillips is a queer theatre maker, writer, producer, academic, activist and parent. She is the founder and producer of the No Outsiders Family Festival, Senior Producer of Shout, Birmingham’s queer art and cultural programme and Artistic Director of Mobilise Arts. Find out more at mobilisearts.co.uk or hannahphillips.com
Follow her or make contact about the project on X @HannahYellowitz.
Or Facebook and Instagram @mobilisearts.
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