Comedian Amy Mason reflects on her later-in-life realisations about her sexuality
BY AMY MASON, IMAGE BY LUCY RIDGES
Though I’ve known I was bisexual since my teens, it was in my late 30s that I realised I was now solely attracted to women. The fact that I was married to a man was a little bit awkward, to say the least. I know many women who’ve come to the same realisation at a similar time. Is it hormones, a youth lived under Section 28, or overexposure to Natasha Lyonne*, causing this midlife shift? In my case, all three 100% played a part.
It was during the first lockdown that I concluded I couldn’t be in an opposite-gender marriage anymore. There was something about being trapped in a house with two grumpy children and an even grumpier man that made me realise this wasn’t a life I could cope with long-term. I could see my whole future flash before my eyes (I get a really bad haircut in 2035!), and all those nagging doubts – that I usually just about managed to keep at bay via coffees out and performing stand-up – came right to the fore. Deep down, I always knew they would, but the God-awful intensity of lockdown just sped things up.
So many of my friends have come to similar realisations in their late 30s it’s tempting to wonder whether biology (or social conditioning) might be part of it – that when our reproductive years are waning we no longer feel the need to partner with the opposite gender. I recently read that after they mate, female flying ants rip off their wings to feed their young, and the males just die. I like to think the females then all couple up and get log burners.
Maybe there’s something in the biology school of thought, although I know a few lesbians and gay men who’ve partnered with the opposite gender later in life too.
The truth is, that for so many of us, sexuality shifts and changes as the years go by. I could spend thousands of pounds in therapy exploring whether I was “really a lesbian all along”, but does it matter? Plus, I don’t have thousands of pounds.
I spent my childhood going to Catholic Mass every week, where we learned that homosexuality could be renounced. We then moved as a society on to “people are born that way” (thanks Lady Gaga) i.e. It’s not their fault, poor things! But maybe, many of us are more complicated (and, I like to think, very interesting) than that.
My new comedy hour (Free Mason! Pleasance Courtyard at Edinburgh Fringe throughout August!) explores these themes. My daughters love butterflies and moths, and after lockdown, we started going out to spot them. We even acquired a moth trap (bet you’re jealous). As I looked at these creatures, I realised that perhaps we’re more like them than we think. We change in all kinds of ways throughout our lives. And to be honest, that’s kind of great.
*Natasha, if you ever come out as queer and move to Bristol, give me a call.
Amy Mason: Free Mason is on at 8pm, The Pleasance, Edinburgh, throughout August. For tickets please visit edfringe.com.
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