Amanda Elwen opens up about founding the vital safe space for the community
BY NIC CROSARA
It’s 2024 and the world is no kinder to trans people. We’ve seen the statistics. Anti-trans hate crime is on the rise, members of parliament often mock the community in their speeches, and our rights are constantly under attack. And sadly, trans folks who experience domestic abuse have been let down time and time again when it comes to seeking help and sanctuary.
Back in January the first trans+ domestic abuse refuge opened, founded by Amanda Elwen (they/them). It offers a vital safe space made by and for the trans+ community. Amanda has been shortlisted for the Diversity Champion of the Year award at this year’s DIVA Awards.
They were full of passion as they told me all about the work that has gone into creating this sanctuary, all without funding from the government. You may be thinking “So how did they manage to accomplish this feat?” The Loving Me team gives thanks to The Rank Foundation and the Sam and Bella Sebba Charitable Foundation for their investment and support in purchasing the refuge. They also thank everyone who donated furniture and household goods, as well as those who donated to their fundraiser (You can donate to the Loving Me fundraiser here).
Here’s what Amanda had to say on starting this refuge and the needs of the trans+ community.
Can you tell me about what inspired you to start this refuge?
I have worked in the domestic abuse sector for 25 years, providing and developing services for vulnerable women and their children. Over the last few years, I have become really frustrated at the levels of transphobia within my own community and my work community; it is my belief that all victims of abuse should be able to access quality, appropriate support services, during times they might need it.
It became clear that trans+ people were being excluded from services and often had nowhere to turn. This lead, in some cases, to increased risk of significant harm. I had one case referred to me early in in 2021 where a young trans woman was refused refuge. She was placed in a male homeless unit which lead to a number of violent sexual attacks leaving her hospitalised.
I first started talking to the trans+ community in 2021. It just didn’t seem fair that victims of abuse had to navigate such complexity which more than often ended up with them being rejected and with nowhere to turn. The reasons why services excluded trans+ people were also very inconsistent.
I became very frustrated and decided that rather than sit back and watch this happen to members of my community, that I would do something. I don’t care about the politics, I care about victims of abuse getting the very best support possible.
You opened in January this year. What has this been like?
In January 2024 we opened the very first trans+ refuge. This is a seven-bed unit, which has been refurbished by the members of the trans+ community. Even if I do say so myself, it’s an incredible, warm and safe property which makes people feel at home.
The last 10 months has been really hard work, we have managed to refurbish the property via donations from the kindest of people. I believe that refuge space should be equipped with new and quality furnishings, most residents come with absolutely nothing. We make sure that they have food, clothes, bedding, toiletries and most a safe and supportive environment.
In addition to refuge and safe accommodation the Loving Me team also provide a national helpline and advocacy service. The Loving Me team are a team of six, the service is defined as “by-and-for”.
Most victims and survivors from the trans+ community want to receive support delivered by-and-for their own community. This is because specialist by-and-for organisations are better able to understand the context and complexity of abuse faced by minoritised survivors and build the trust critical to effectively assess risk and provide the right support.
The refuge has five residents living there now. They have come from all over the UK. All of them have experienced family rejection, family coercion and domestic abuse from their most recent partner. All of them had been rejected from usual refuge provision.
What do you think might prevent trans+ folk people who experience abuse from reaching out for help?
What we have identified is that trans+ victims experience domestic abuse both similarly and differently to cis people. What is observed is the use of someone’s gender identity as part of the coercion and abuse, for example, a gender recognition certificate needs to be countersigned by a spouse if the client is married, we have seen cases where the partner refuses to co-sign and restricts gender social or medical transition leading to a form of coercive control.
Domestic abuse is often minimised, we all have a need to feel loved, many trans people have lost family as a result of their transition/identity leaving them more dependent on partners/relationships they may also not have the resources to leave, this is further compounded by the rhetoric in the media that is often hostile to trans people. The current environment is not a healthy one for trans+ people, this leads to mis trust of services as they assume they will be transphobic and exclusionary.
The Loving Me team are currently looking for trans+ professionals to get involved with the running of the service. Please contact management@lovingme.uk to express your interest.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse and wish to speak to someone, you can contact the Loving Me team on 03301 343 434, email at help@lovingme.uk or call directly on 07902 478 958.
You can find out more about Loving Me here.
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